My wife gave birth to twins two months ago and I've taken the past 7 weeks off of work to be with them and ease the transition along. Lately I've been thinking about becoming a Stay At Home Dad, but I'm not really sure about what things we should take into account before making that decision.

I know there are some SAHD's in this community and I was hoping that you all could help shed some light on the situation. How do I know if I'm cut out to be a SAHD? What does your average day look like? What are some of the high points and low points? It's important for my wife and I to clearly define what the expected responsibilities should be, so that there are no issues down the line, I just don't know what that arrangement looks like. Help!

Where do I start? Well, qualifications:

You need to be unafraid of getting your hands dirty. There will be vomit, poop, urine, boogers and many other disgusting things that you will battle on a daily basis.

You need to be able to let things slide off of you. Don't get too excited if things aren't in perfect order in the house or if the kid hasn't bathed by 5:00pm (don't be too self critical).

You need-need-need a sense of humor.

You need to let your ego take a hit from time to time because it is a thankless job staying home and there aren't a lot of us dads out there doing it.

You need to be prepared for the mundane chores like laundry and dishes, but in addition remember you are taking out the trash and mowing the lawn.

The high points:

Sportscenter will never be missed
You can eat all day if you want
You can use nap times to hang out at dad blogs

Seriously, the major high point is that you are involved in your child's life. It is a major, major high point, you can be a role model and coach to your kids. Being there all the time means that you can shape your kids image positively of what a good dad should be and a good husband. You will see all the major milestones and have found memories of your children at a young age. It is a huge responsibility but your job as a role model is paramount and trumps all the drawbacks and high points making them seem inconsequential.

I hope this helps man. Good luck with your decision no matter which way you decide to go with it.

I could offer you some wonderful insight here, but I am still asking myself that same question after 8 months of doing it.

And I still can't quite muster up enough courage to go hang with all the SAHM's.

So I'll have to get back to you soon as I figure it out.

There is not really anything I would call an average day. You always got poop,pee, and boogers. You have to feed them one way or another. Other than that I spend most of the day doing as much as I possibly can in one day.
Cleaning: everything top to bottom with kids it just gets messier. You clean it go into the other room and they are taking care of what you just did. Laundry.

Teaching: Starts with just stimulating them and getting them to crawl when they are young and gets more involved as they get older with A,B,C's and 1,2,3's.

Errands:Groceries, clothing shopping, bill payments, post office, doctor appointments, the list grows as they do.

Then there is all the "guys stuff": Mowing, yard work, painting, shoveling, and home improvements.

Really I could go on all day. I just take on as much as possible do the best I can it gets easier there are productive days and there are washouts. If you can make a list and stick to it more power to you. With kids nothing is predictable you both have to be flexible in my opinion.


1. Definately need a sense of humor. If you can't laugh you pick up some really bad habits. Drinking, depression, and anger are very easy to fall into.

2. Major patience necessary as they get older. I developed mine recently actually. With my oldest when he was about 2 was when I really could have used it. This was when I fell hard into depression. I was always frustrated my wife was not supporting me in the way I had hoped it got real messy.

3. Ego is out the door. You get comments, funny looks, and a lot of wives have some sort of issues with it. Not necessarily all the time and they don't necessarily tell you. I think it's no different though with guys at one point in time have probably thought I work all day and what does she do? Spend my money? Being a stay at home is usually greatly unappreciated except by those who have done it. Just stop caring what people think right now.

4. Prepare to join the lower tier of society. What do you do for a living? I am a stay at home dad. You learn to laugh at those responses. People especially guys don't always get that it does count. Especially with the amount people putting kids in daycare.

5. Like Joe said getting dirty. Before I got married I had two closets full of designer clothes. I now have 1 3/4 closet full of stained designer clothes and 1/4 closet full of unstained designer clothes.

6. It can be a very mindless job. If you do it get a hobby, read, socialize with other stay at homes or do anything you enjoy. This was a mistake I made. Staying at home it's very easy to let your mind turn to mush. I did nothing for myself all day for years. Then one day I was reading something and I found it frustrating and confusing. I realized that I had not really used my mind for anything other that poop, pee, and boogers in a very long time. Over the past year I have changed all that I regularly socialize, read, and now working part time out of the house

Start enjoying caffeine if you don't already.

The good parts.
It makes you become a dad not a father. When your kid calls you daddy it means so much to them. Most of my friends that work and have kids are just fathers. They do what they think they have to. When you stay at home to be successful you have to be their daddy. You are their life support. I think most people that had their mother stay at home with them can say there was a bond with mom that was not there with dad.

Ultimately it's an experience surpassed by nothing. It is worth every sacrifice, stain, and weird look. Whatever you do don't get discouraged or overwhelmed if you want it bad enough it will come in time.

Oh this I got from coming from a family of six. Never panic, don't worry, and stop over thinking things. A lot of people especially with their first waste so much time and energy doing this. By the second you start to realize. By the third your main goal is to not let them eat out of the toilet bowl.

They are going to get sick, have fevers, bleed, bruise, say bad words, eat off the floor, stick things up their noses, and things you can't imagine. They may walk late, or pigeon toed, speak and then not speak, have no attention span, and on and on. Stay calm it does wonders for you and them and your wife if she is anything like mine.

Well good luck.
Sorry if I went on and on I just love this question.

I would love to be a SAHD. I know its not all "fun and games" but that's OK. I would much rather enjoy "working" with my kids and at home then commuting and doing it all out of house and away from them.

I know that this is not possible in our current situation and probably wont be anytime in the near future. I am the bread winner of the house with a nice IT job and that's the only way it can be right now. However I am doing whatever I can to provide enough money so that we can maybe afford to keep my wife home. As everyone has stated its very important to have that life support coming from a family member rather then some over paid learning center ......scratch that ...babysitter.

Maybe one day. For those SAHDs out there more power to you guys and we all know its not fun and games all day. Rock on.

Great thread, maybe this will push those Dad's that are on the line about whether or not to make the jump.

Great input Poo Platter! That was awesome man.