 |
|
That pretty well sums it up: the sacred and the mundane. I live a life of diapers, discussions, and barn-filthy floors. It’s all harmless material. We use cloth diapers. Suga-momma and I were talking to a friend about it- she just couldn’t get her head around having her hands in poop. “Dude, it’s just a little poop.”
The dining room floor is another matter. We have hardwood floors- they were absolutely perfect when we moved in. Quartersawn fir, with a clear finish. The grain would shimmer like a weird hologram sticker when the sun struck. I love wood. But that was before. Before we started dropping oatmeal on it, and spaghetti, and crayon pieces, and dust-bunnies, and pushing the couch away from the wall so we could run around it in circles. That was before we started launching little matchbox cars in high trajectories so they would bury themselves in the floor, leaving pits. Before we started pushing BIG cars down the stairs, just to observe chaos in action. That was before.
The walls are marked, already! With tire tracks, with the small scratches from my guitar cases, which lean against the wall in the corner. The table is pathetically scarred. Guitar picks tease me from the cold-air returns. At least they’re not lonely. There lie also a small Nemo, several small time coins, and peanuts. And the floor register cover from the upstairs hallway. Yeah. Upstairs. Mo took up the register in his mighty hand, and turned it vertical. Then, noting the weight of gravity, and the dark vastness of the furnace, he dropped it. Right down through the wall. I was sitting next to that very wall, working dutifully at my computer (Facebook or Craigslist, I’m sure), when the house came down around my head.
Calmly, I stood up from my repose, and walked quietly up the stairs. Tigger reported that Mo had dropped the floor register cover through the floor. And he thinks maybe a watch too.
“Mo? Did you do this?”
“(nodding, thumb in mouth) Mo dit it,” he said around his thumb.
I won’t detail what immediately followed. Skipping.
When the maelstrom quieted, I again walked calmly down to the basement, expecting to find a smoking, creaking pile of aluminum ductwork and a small brown register. Alas, there was nothing but cobwebs and two underfed, and perhaps more tragically, undereducated mousers eager for the opportunity to explain their cases.
---
This is my life. Sound exciting? It is a life spent on holy ground. Who knew that it would be so filthy.
We have successfully created a plain existence- sorry, a “secular society,” for ourselves by removing any sort of “higher meaning” from our lives, in order to clear the path to utter depravity and freedom of will (I mean equality and freedom of individual expression, of course, forgive me), we have gutted ourselves. It is only recently in the full scope of human society that we have imagined, and "successfully" created a god-less, faith-less existence. A strictly biologically founded conscience. We have taken from our children’s own hands a holy life, filled with meaningful significance- lives of purpose and dedication. Our legacy to them will be nothing more meaningful than a Last Will and Testament. Or Endowment. Money and maybe a house.
Oh God.
---
I get angry sometimes. I get angry because the boys don’t really respect furniture that I’ve made, furniture that I’ve bought, or toys that we’ve given them. Then I remember that they won’t remember what they did today in ten years, because they’re still so young. Sometimes I wonder that I may lose my mind. I look at the damage that they have wreaked on our home. The mess that they make.
When I get to that point, it’s all I can do to remind myself that these are timeless altars to their childhood. They are indeed sacred things.
---
People need these things to remind themselves of where they’ve been. They need statues, and solemn signed documents, they need special corners in their rooms, with dedicated lights, pictures, pieces of furniture. Altars are not a thing for the unsophisticated peoples of antiquity. The Chinese build altars to their grandparents, and their parents, the Greeks and Romans to the gods of … everything they hold dear, the Egyptians build the pyramids to remind them of the greatness of themselves. The French have the Arc d’Triumph, the British have Big Ben, the Entitled States of America- the Empire State Building, Lincoln Memorial.
These are not built in vain.
---
The house we lived in before we moved to this small farm last fall was built in 1915. The abstract was dated before Iowa was even granted statehood. How many families claimed ownership to this piece of land? I think I remember seeing over 95 deeds. One neighbor had lived in that neighborhood virtually her whole live. She had moved back after a short time away, so, she lived in a different house than she grew up in- that was around the corner and up about half a block. Some people would shake their heads at the “loss of experiencing the world.” I saw that she experienced a very small part of the world in a virtually impossibly deep and sacred way.
I was building a fence. Not a “get out, stay out, don’t look, don’t ask” kind of fence. It was more of a “just keeping my kid in, until he can climb it anyway, in which case he’s outta my control anyways” kinda fence. She sorta chuckled, cause she could remember when there had been a fence there before. “They had a dog, see.”
Well, I have a 2-year old. Kinda the same thing, I suppose.
---
We are connected to each other, we are connected to the places we live. We are connected physically by geography, common interest, common concerns. We are connected spiritually in time. We are connected spiritually, in a sacred way, by virtue of sharing a Creator, and moving and living in His image, however imperfectly. Any sort of denial of the sacredness of life is a diminishing of our own existence.
There is purpose. There is meaning. There is pain, and it sucks. Big. But there’s hope, too. You want proof? I can’t give you a URL detailing the proof. Hope isn’t really hope if you have proof. We hope for what we cannot see. I’m not saying it isn’t there- just that I can’t hand it to you. You have to ask- and then wait and look. Ask it will be given.
Our lives are littered, as one writer says, with gifts of grace. Holy moments, holy places. They're usually ordinary, unsuspecting things- things we look over and do not notice. Life IS holy, and so then is the space that your life occupies. Don't let your life be bland and empty. Fill your conscious life with the sacredness that it already possesses, and make your monuments. Make your altars so that your children ask you, "What is this?" They might wonder why you keep these little things- let them ask you, so that you can tell them, and so that they can remember. God shows up.
---
I look at the scars on my dining room table and I see another table- a different table. It’s dark, almost black. It’s pine, not red oak. It’s oval, too, rather than the square of my own. It’s my mother’s table. And it’s beat to hell, scarred, scratched, and pitted. To her, it’s the first piece of “new” furniture she’s ever owned. To me it was just a piece of crap table. I’m sure I’d look at it differently today, if she hadn’t eventually seen it as I saw it then, and replaced it.
As I see the two tables, I also see an altar. Not to food. Not even to kids. It’s to the enduring promise that we will survive. Why do I hope? Because I have been shown. This is more than a busted up table. It’s evidence and reminder of a promise.
I hope I can eventually teach my kids not to break stuff. But until then, I’ll be looking at this table, and wondering how I can explain to them what it used to look like. And what it can mean for another 100 years, if they look with eyes opened by faith.
Yes. Yes.
---
Sean Covington is 32, husband to one wife for 8 years, father to 3 kids, Tigger (XY) 5, ‘Mo (XY) 30mos. And “grr” (XX) 6mos. They live in rural Van Meter, IA where they recently moved from nearby downtown Des Moines. He is a SAHD, woodworker, worship leader, and songwriter. More writings can be found at his personal blog, www.storiesandfingerprints.com where he posts from time to time.
Share this post!
Subscribe to this comment's feed
written by SeanC, February 17, 2010
I'd next say that I appreciate your interest in talking out the points, and I don't have great ambitions of persuasion. I don't really feel that persuasion is my job. My hope in writing this was more to encourage. I think that there ARE lonely people, there are discouraged people, unloved people.
I also think that there are people who DO want higher meaning, but have been told their whole lives that it's not there. I have seen, and say that there IS. Whether you agree or disagree is up to you, and I think we're both ok with that. But what I want YOU to read is that I'm not in this to persuade YOU.
Having said that- I would add that my wife agrees with the first thing that you said. So- I'd like to clarify and summarize my little article. Basically, since the beginning of the Enlightenment, God/Faith/Religion has slowly been removed or at best, separated from the course of daily living in the greater portions of our lives- for a more "academic" a**lysis, I'd recommend Mircea Eliade. He was a historian (Roman Catholic, if you care) who studied the spiritual lives of societies, ranging from aboriginal/indigenous societies to post-industrial ones like our own. He found the "sacred" intertwined with the lives of all the societies he studied, except the post-industrial- architecture, agriculture, mealtimes, everything in these other societies had holy components- and we have none. THAT was the beginning of what I was getting to.
My inspiration was simple. In history, in scriptures, events were remembered with altars, usually nothing more elaborate than a particularly large pile of stones. Where are OUR altars? Are they football arenas? Downtown financial company high-rises? What are our monuments, so that our children ask us- "What does this mean?"
"to me a secular society is one that seeks truth and gives up nothing as far as learning, connectedness or morality" To ME, this statement is fraught with difficult conundrums. If we are defining "secular society" as a society absent the presence of, or acknowledgment of God, then your pursuit of truth is in vain, and morality is merely pragmatic utilitarianism, or something that is only grounded in the fickle minds of people- morality will flex and change with the sentiments of a generation, and does nothing to provide a strong standard of behavior that is transcendent to a circ*mstance- That's not a moral code I can secede my interests and gain to.
I believe that a society can be had that is willing to have sacred s**ces, sacred values, and NOT be the Inquisition, or constant tyranny of one people-group over another.
I commend your diligence in having strong character, as a standard for yourself, and a model for your children. That is as much as any man or woman can work towards. And it's all that a person can really do is persevere. I have to make a decision to do the same thing every day too. I will never be caught saying goodness, or good intentions lay only in the heart of the believer. Never. God is sovereign, and works His grace everywhere. As I think I wrote in the column, the earth is littered with gifts- we need only eyes to see them.
I don't speak as God. I speak as another person, just like you, who sees God differently than I used to. My life has changed because I understand Him differently than I once did.
I hope that you keep reading, and commenting- I love the debate, but more than that, I love that you're thinking with me about this stuff, and what it means to us collectively as dads.
Thanks- Sean
-
- +0
-
-
written by BellaDaddy, February 17, 2010
-
- +0
-
-
written by SeanC, February 17, 2010
*http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/collegial ---you guys keep me on my toes- I had to look this up to make sure I was using it right! Didn't want to get called to the carpet for being lazy!!
-
- +0
-
-
written by SeanC, February 17, 2010
good work JOE
-
- +0
-
-
written by Moby Home Maker, February 17, 2010
At that moment, I went into a rage...luckily I was alone. That is until my then 3 year old son walked in. I asked him if he knew what happened to Daddy's prized new possession. He simply replied, "I broked-ed it" and walked out the room.
I had to laugh--it was so matter of fact. I understand your pains....
-
- +0
-
-
written by Daddy Files, February 17, 2010
I'm not nearly as eloquent or as deep as you and eyesofbabes. And so I won't pretend to be.
But I do find it curious how opinions on the same topic can be so different. For instance, you talk in depth about god/faith/religion being removed from our culture to the point that it is nearly absent from our society. I don't see that at all. In fact, I see too much religion. Children are forced to say "under God" every day before school. Before PUBLIC school. Every Christmas my hometown is fraught with nativity scenes. I cover town meetings during which people pray before each one starts. In my town, munic**al funds were approved to rebuild a church steeple at the same time teachers and police officers are being let go because there's no money to pay them. Hell, there's a story making the rounds out of North Carolina right now that an 8th grade public school teacher was suspended because of allegations she was teaching -- GASP -- evolution and parents and students questioned whether or not she's a Christian.
Where you strive for more holy components, I long for the days when they will no longer be everywhere I look. And as far as a moral code, I have enough faith in society that we can figure that out for ourselves. We don't need the bible or god or any particular religion to illustrate right and wrong.
-
- +1
-
-
written by eyesofbabes, February 18, 2010
-
- +0
-
-
written by eyesofbabes, February 18, 2010
Thank you SeanC for your well-written remarks as well. Don’t worry; there are plenty of religious Dads who partic**ate here as well.
I think we actually agree on much more than you would imagine.
Certainly there are lonely, discouraged and unloved people. One of the great things about religion is that it really does make people feel better. Answers are given to things unknowable which relieves anxiety. Support communities are created which comfort the lonely. But, it is at the expense of truth. I am not willing to make that exchange as much as it would probably make me feel good to do so. Besides, higher meaning can be found in many places. Traditional religion is not the only solution to being lonely, discouraged or unloved.
I agree that our society does “worship” the wrong things like materialism, selfishness and violence to name a few. But, I would argue that all human societies have been guilty of the same. In fact, spirituality and faith have not been removed from our society. As ____ said, religion is everywhere. But, spirituality has simply evolved. Today, instead of believing in a collection of stories and an intelligent designer, many people have turned to a commitment to positive thought, the human spirit and a new metaphysical way of being that is defined by, amongst other things, philosophy and reason as opposed to mysticism or myth. In fact, Eastern religions have greatly influenced much of “secular” culture in a very spiritual way without the need of a god-figure at all.
I have heard of Mircea Eliade but I will be honest, a “historian” that was outspokenly ultra-religious and politically far right, one who believed in mixing church and state and associated with fascists and anti-Semites is not someone I can take too seriously. As you are aware, even in our society today, the word “historian” is used often referring to people who really want to re-write history to justify their beliefs. Plus Eliade spoke of myth and ritual not truth.
Having said that, I do think there is a need for more spirituality. But to me, spirituality comes from things like meditation, playing the piano or showing unconditional forgiveness. We don’t necessarily need piles of stones for our children to ask what things mean. I tell my kids a story every night and then encourage them to ask questions. We have alters to those we love in the form of photos, or in the form or our children’s artwork hanging on the walls. My wife and I do volunteer work and meditate and those are rituals that are teaching opportunities for my kids. We even bring them stories of religion so that they can ask questions about what people believe and make up their own minds. Every moment of every day of life is a spiritual awakening and a teaching opportunity.
-
- +1
-
-
written by eyesofbabes, February 18, 2010
You said “If we are defining ‘secular society’ as a society absent the presence of, or acknowledgment of God, then your pursuit of truth is in vain, and morality is merely pragmatic utilitarianism.” There are universal truths with regard to morality that all religions claim as their own but transcend religion and those without religion also follow. Much of religious morality is also “pragmatic utilitarianism” disguised as something more. If we define “god” as the human spirit or an energy that we all share as humans regardless of belief, then I can get onboard. If god has to do with one’s personal belief in a creator, an idea for which not only is there no evidence but against whose existence there is substantial evidence, then a belief in god has nothing to do with truth. If your idea of god is the one that punishes those he claims are bad or simply don’t believe in him, than that has nothing to do with morality. But, god has taken on so many meanings that to use the word would be meaningless to many anyway.
Let me follow that with the fact that there are plenty of important moral and practical life lessons that can be found throughout the bible and religious canon overall. However, to understand and learn them, it is not necessary to believe in things that have no foundation in reality. Don’t get me wrong. I fully support your freedom to believe what you will and would fight for it with all my heart. If you want to believe in fairy and sprites, you have every right to do that as well. I just don’t think blind faith and fear of god has anything to do with morality or truth. I prefer not to live blind and afraid.
And, I will never be caught saying that “goodness, or good intentions lay only in the heart of the un-believer. Never.” Some of the best, most forthright and honest people I know are religious.
I think, in the end, we both have similar moral values and have many of the same desires for humanity. I simply don’t understand the idea that you have to believe in an intelligent designer in order to be moral. When my brother believes in the rights of all, then becomes an Orthodox Jew and suddenly thinks homosexuals don’t have the same rights as the rest of us; when people claim the commandments of god led them to kill an abortion clinic doctor, bomb a building or take life in their hands in any way such as the numerous religious wars or the death penalty, that is not a moral code I can “secede my interests and gain to.” Universal morality does not change with the sentiments of a generation, but people do grow to understand better what is moral and what isn’t. I think religion often stifles that growth and education by telling people what morality is and what they must think and believe often wrong-mindedly rather than truly letting humanity learn its lessons and grow.
Thank you for the debate and thank your wife for reading my words as well. If your life is better for your belief, I think that’s great and I will always support your right to believe and practice your religion.
-
- +0
-
-
But, as far as your other points . . . to me a secular society is one that seeks truth and gives up nothing as far as learning, connectedness or morality – in fact, it is often the religious society that introduces prejudice and stifles knowledge. Equality and freedom of expression are things I care deeply about and to compare them to depravity is quite misanthropic.
Being without god is not being without meaning. I am an atheist and I have plenty of purpose and dedication. In fact my acquaintances all comment on my extreme sense of purpose and humility. My legacy to my children will be my contribution to society with my volunteer work, my dedication to peace and the promotion of it and my conviction to love my fellow human to name just a few. I have never needed to believe in fantasy or have someone tell me what to think in order to find these universal truths.
I also agree with you that we are connected as human beings, not because we share a creator, which has never been proven. We are connected spiritually by our humanity, our human spirit and that is a very sacred thing.
I never understand this insistence by believers that if you don’t believe in an intelligent designer that you cannot learn lessons from the bible, that you somehow live in a smaller world that has boundaries. I think it is just the opposite. I am free to search and learn and believe many wonderful things professed in many religious and secular texts. I am also free, because I don’t limit my belief, to expand my world and my boundaries in the limitless search for truth. That is another thing that I will teach my children.