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I don’t normally begin my posts with a scripture. Some may ask “why not” and some may ask “why now”. Trust me… it fits!
Deuteronomy 23:1- "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord." (I will pause here so you can go find your Bible to make sure I'm not just making this verse up.)
So you may be asking yourselves at this point, “What kind of a man would stand up in a group of men, DADS no less, and announce that he has a few things to say about being manly?” Yeah, that’s me! I’m Spuds! I’m a forty one year old father of six children. I stand 5’11” with my tennis shoes on, but my ego puts me right around 6’5”. I’ve got swagger for days, despite the numerous attempts to humble or “bring me down a few notches”.
I’m what you call a “recipe for trouble”. I’m a loud-mouthed dad with lots of muscles and brawn and a few brain cells to back up my brawn. I’ve got more experience and self-styled gravitas than I do caution and discretion and I’ve had to rely on my wit and nasty right hook to get me out of a few tight spots.
I’m not going to claim to be a bad ass or a hero type, but I’ve spent the better part of my adult life working with them. I’ve seen what they do, how they act and what they look like. So, while I may still be trying to prove my own “hero”, I feel confident that I know the road to being a “real Man”.
I’ve traveled the world and sat in the dirt and mud with some of the greatest men the world will never know. So when I say I returned home and found that I have some serious concerns about the men we are raising up, I am not basing it on some self-help book at Barnes and Noble.
Being a man has NOTHING to do with your job, your race, or even your sexual orientation. Being a man comes down to the three rules I was taught early in my career.
- Fish often- Fishing is more than pulling fish out of the water. It’s reflection. Pondering the reasons, finding the deeper meanings and deciding life’s purposes.
- Protect the smaller of us- Smaller can be more than just physically smaller. It’s hard times! Emotionally, intellectually and even the needy are all considered smaller. Being bigger has its responsibilities.
- If it’s important then prove it- This is the culmination of the first two rules, but I couldn’t have said it any better if I had come up with the rules myself.
“So what’s your point, Spuds? Why are you standing up saying that we aren’t men?”
I’m not saying any one of you aren’t men. Just implying it… (grinning)
Being a forty year old male, I am finding myself in a strange "congregation". To be honest, it's embarrassing! I look around and see pasty skin, fatty breasts where the "pecs" should be, and guts extending beyond the toes and below the belt. And, while we should be ashamed at the general "pansy ass" appearance of our ranks I find that the opposite is true! The average 40 year old man is comfortably WHIPPED!
He's content to let himself be commanded about the house by his wife and mother-in-law. The average man is too stubbornly inept to actually immerse himself in any of the household chores;. leaving the wife/girlfriend shaking her head at the notion that he ever had a motivated bone in his body. In fact, he allows his "lazy ass" to be pilloried by his wife and friends because to actually show any backbone or initiative may extend beyond the commercial break.
And the media has jumped on the bandwagon! With French manicured hands and high heels, the media has hijacked the whole dam wagon! Just take a look at the average buffoon father on TV!
Everybody loves Raymond because he is a buffoon! He can't load the dishwasher without being called an "idiot" by his wife, and his children roll their eyes every time he tries to give them any paternal direction whatsoever. Excuse me if I find this a little troubling!
His curmudgeonly father's character is no better! By over exaggerating the stereotypical "sexist" male with his comments and chauvinistic behavior the writers have built him in to nothing more than a laughable and soft-headed old man.
What happened to real men on TV or in the movies? How is the average 5 year old boy going to get the proper image? Are we only able to see a real man on late night TV or the John Wayne re-runs? Raymond is not the image of a father I want my sons and daughters to see as acceptable!
And on the subject of TV, I have sons who still watch cartoons and I can tell you that the selection of cartoon superheroes for the 3 to 8 year old boys is downright criminal! We had Superman, GI Joe, and a myriad of manly characters that gave our imagination the proper masculine scope!
My boys have Wonder Pets; a guinea pig, a duck and a turtle! This cuddly team of super heroes flies about in a "Lego" boat to save small animals from urinating in the house! And their "superpowers" are teamwork and the ability to break into song at any given time! I won't even talk about Thomas the Train, Manny, or SpongeBob, but you KNOW what I would say!
And what about Diego? Go Diego Go! You start to watch the show with the hope that maybe he will teach your boys some cool camping or outdoor skills. Instead, he spends half the show gallivanting about with singing frogs and a baby jaguar. I enjoy a good song and dance number just as much as the next guy, but what Diego really should be doing is getting over to Dora's house and kicking Swiper's ass! THAT would be an episode worthy of TiVo!
C'mon! Is this the best we can do for our boys?
At least on Captain Kangaroo there were the "rogue-ish" pranks of Moose dropping the ping pong balls on unsuspecting hosts and guests! And the show had the earliest "tagger" on TV! Simon, the little Dude with the chalk, marking up the neighborhood like a true "primitive playa".
What happened to us? Where are the "stones" men? I am hereby announcing that if you want to be part of my "congregation" you need to have some "stones". It's time to get your pasty corpulence off the couch and stop embarrassing yourself! Look in the mirror! People are laughing, Dudes!
I enjoy an episode of the Family Guy just as much as the next guy! But do we have to watch every episode?? After all, this is not Hannah Montana and we are not 12 year old girls! And couldn't you maybe just catch the sports highlights once in awhile rather than having to spend the entire damn weekend on the couch? And yet, there you sit, with Doritos crumbs "bedazzling" your t-shirt, or lack of any shirt at all!
So, get your fat ass out of bed early enough to get to the gym with the rest of us and learn how to dribble a basketball again. And maybe if you took the initiative to do something truly manly around the house you wife/ girlfriend wouldn't consider foreplay as a half an hour of begging.
Repairing your "stones" will require you to get out of the house and be busy! Stop hiding in your caves after work! Attending the occasional "mixer" with your wife/girlfriend does not count! And stop giving me the noise about wanting to spend time with the kids! Quality time does not include falling asleep in your chair while the kids watch Nick at Night. Take them with you on some of your adventures!
It will surprise the "nag" right out of your "significant other" when you pack the kids up and take them all on an evening hike at the local park and let her sit at home and watch Ghost Whisperer in peace! And if this surprises her, then learning to cook will leave her breathless!
We are a congregation of 40 year old men! Not a congregation of "has beens" and "never was(es)". We have the best 40 years of our lives ahead of us! We have money, we have our own cars and somewhere down there, beyond the abdominal bulge, you should be able to still find those "stones".
I'm probably the last person who should be quoting Bible verses, but the Bible appears to be commanding you to repair your stones!! So by stepping to the "ready line" and jumping back into the game you're simply doing as the Bible would want you to do! It could be considered sinful for you not to!
Now, before I get comments that I am taking the scripture out context you need to keep in mind that the odds are that, before today, you didn't even know the Bible had this verse in it! So just sit your fat ass down, stop breathing through your mouth and relax before your second and third chin start jiggling.
And, if you're too whipped to understand what I am trying to accomplish here then your "stones" have obviously retracted back up into your abdominal cavity, anyway. But at least you have your MySpace and football re-runs to keep you busy.
As a former fatty-fat father I can tell you that repairing your "stones" requires you pay the pennance! You WILL look like a lard-ass jiggling up-and-down your neighborhood street. Your gelatinous triceps WILL quivver as you attempt to bench press again. But the price is worth it! And when your son sees your drive and true manly qualities they will want to be part of that same congregation! And your daughters will have the proper image of a man and won't have patience for anything less.
Now SOMEONE give me an "amen" and let’s get to work!
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written by Joeprah, January 29, 2010
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written by BellaDaddy, January 29, 2010
Side note on Spongebob...who else do you know that is an absorbent sponge, living in (a) Bikini Bottom? LOL!
Also, that gut, we used to call "Dick-Do Disease" His belly sticks out more than his dick do
Words of wisodom!
Cheers!!
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written by Spuds, January 29, 2010
Joeprah- As a growing movement we can start to have voice in how we are represented in the media. It's time for the Male Father/ Husband to take his place again. But if we line up and we look like a bunch of corpulent dufii (plural for dufus) we will just make them snicker rather than listen.
BD- I am going to TOTALLY steal your dick-do comment! Great comments! And thank you for the AMEN!
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written by sugoandsunshine, January 29, 2010
I've shared this on my facebook page. You sure you're not Italian, spuds? lol
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written by Spuds, January 29, 2010
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written by murphios, January 31, 2010
That might be the best post I have read anywhere, ever. It made me want to take my shirt off, go outside and some push-ups. And I did. Not quite suffering from dick do disease yet, but getting a little "cuddlier" all the same.
AMEN BROTHER.
Cheers,
Murphios.
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written by Spuds, January 31, 2010
Thanks for the comments! I worry that as Dad we have allowed ourselves to become so marginalized that we are losing a lot of our voice and influence! We need sites like Dad Blogs to help bring us together as a collective voice so that we can be heard.
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written by Spuds, January 31, 2010
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written by Reservoir Dad, January 31, 2010
Just checking out your site. Enjoy your writing and liked this article, even though I reckon there are a few more avenues to manhood than just having a nice set of pecs. I reckon there's even room in ManLand for the pasty white wobbly-bellied folk amongst us. And this is coming from a bloke who spends about 10 hours a week at a powerlifting club!
Talk soon
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written by Daddy Files, January 31, 2010
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written by eyesofbabes, February 03, 2010
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written by BikiniMom, February 27, 2010
One of the reasons why I wouldn't even consider dating a man below the age of 40 after I split from my ex at the tender age of 33 was because I was of the opinion that men didn't begin to "come into their own" UNTIL the age of 40.
The good news is that a good man truly does age like a fine wine.
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I liked the post and the honesty. Looking forward to more of it.