Dads in the Mix

John Doe-Berg Monday, 08 March 2010 19:36 Written by eyesofbabes

I lost my identity.  I was born identifying as a middle class white Jew.  I no longer identify religiously nor do I identify as being white.  My own family is “mixed” and, as I have come to understand, race identification is only a consequence of prejudice anyway.  I am part of a human family.  So, I lost the identity I grew up with or rather, I dissociated from it.  Am I worse off?  I don’t think so.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.  I now have an identity that is truly my own rather than pushed onto me by family and society.  Having said that, I do realize others may identify me differently than I do myself and some of the things I am today are also things assigned to me.

But, while I am relatively secure in my identity (mind you, while keeping an open mind), my kids are still developing theirs.  I think a lot about what role I will play in how they will know themselves as they mature.  Should I be fostering a connection to a religion that I don’t completely believe in, if it means giving them a chance to understand their heritage or be a part of a community?  Should I be promoting identity with one racial group over another even though I know that is giving ammunition to hatred, if it means enabling them to identify?

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Dads in the Mix: Born Suspect Monday, 14 December 2009 19:43 Written by eyesofbabes

Let’s play a game.  I present a general description of a person and you tell me what the first image of that person is that pops into your head?

 Ready, let’s begin . . .

- A doctoral math student in a university – A person sitting in an arm chair in front of the television – An accountant – An aerobics instructor – A basketball player – A terrorist – A male hairdresser – A panhandler – A stay-at-home parent.

Did each of the people you thought of have a gender, a skin color, a sexual orientation?  Certainly, not everyone would imagine the same type of person but I am willing to bet that for more than half of people, at least in America, the first image in their minds would be similar or identical.

The math student is an Asian or white male; the armchair TV person is male and probably overweight, maybe also wearing tightly-whities and a wife-beater; the accountant probably male, maybe Jewish and with glasses; the aerobics instructor is a woman, most likely blond, thin and muscular; the basketball player is black and tall; the terrorist is Arabic; the male hairdresser is homosexual; the panhandler is most likely male and the stay-at-home parent is definitely a woman!  Certainly, there will be variations but my point is, we group people based on stereotypes and preconception.  Chris Rock put it best when he said black people are “born suspect.”  In the same way, blonds are born ditzy and easy, people genetically predisposed to obesity are born lazy…you get the picture.

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Dad in the Mix: Holly Thursday, 19 November 2009 00:00 Written by eyesofbabes

One thing that must be dealt with in mixed families and in most families for that matter is religion.  I personally don’t believe that a family can really get along if they have drastically different belief systems.  I am an atheist and believe in the untapped potential of the human mind.  My wife does not ascribe to any religious dogma either but tends to be more spiritual than I and even uses the word god, although, her definition, I dare say, would differ greatly from that of a devotee of a specific religion.  Even though my family is Jewish and hers is Baptist, our personal beliefs are close enough that we find common ground, learn from each other and are, most importantly, in agreement about what our children are taught.  Religious belief is incredibly important to people and, as the “holiday” season approaches, along with goodwill, tensions also rise surrounding the “hows” and the “whats” of celebration and practice.  Sometimes those sensitivities, I believe, run a little too high and get in the way of what we should be focusing on; family, universal values, loving kindness, etc.

Ironically and somewhat hypocritically, I admit, I work for a Jewish temple (sent through an employment agency).  Someone called the temple during the December holiday season a while back to ask me if putting holly up in their company’s common areas for decoration would be appropriate.  They wanted to know if it had a negative connotation or was offensive to Jews.  They also wanted to know if there was a more neutral but still seasonal decoration that they might use to spruce up their building grounds.

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Dads in the Mix: Don't Hate, Meditate (or Zip it. Lock it. Put it in your pocket.) Tuesday, 03 November 2009 00:00 Written by eyesofbabes

I was very upset recently about the news that an interracial couple was denied a marriage license in Louisiana.  I won’t go into details, since I am sure you all have read about this ad infinitum.   How such a blatant bigot, a man who unapologetically enables hatred and breaks the law himself could be sitting in judgment over others in a public courtroom or anywhere for that matter is very troubling.

Stewing about this incident brought to mind another upsetting issue.  Even though the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry, some states, including my own state of California, make an exception for gays, who have been denied that right. 

In turn, pondering this issue made me think about the many discussions I have had with my brother about the right of homosexuals to marry.  We used to think alike about most social and politically issues but, in the past few years, his views on many things have changed.  We love each other dearly but our “talks” can be quite frustrating.

From news stories, family, friends, colleagues, and seemingly everywhere else I turn – on the radio, television and even in my beloved dad blog community, I am confronted with things that upset me more often than not.  Sometimes it’s sensationalized news, spun facts and opinion passing as truth.  Sometimes it’s the genuine real life problems of this world or just people looking at different sides of the coin.

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