Dad Blogs - Dad Blogs | Dad in the Mix: Holly

Thursday, 19 November 2009 00:00

Written by eyesofbabes

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holly One thing that must be dealt with in mixed families and in most families for that matter is religion. I personally don’t believe that a family can really get along if they have drastically different belief systems. I am an atheist and believe in the untapped potential of the human mind. My wife does not ascribe to any religious dogma either but tends to be more spiritual than I and even uses the word god, although, her definition, I dare say, would differ greatly from that of a devotee of a specific religion. Even though my family is Jewish and hers is Baptist, our personal beliefs are close enough that we find common ground, learn from each other and are, most importantly, in agreement about what our children are taught. Religious belief is incredibly important to people and, as the “holiday” season approaches, along with goodwill, tensions also rise surrounding the “hows” and the “whats” of celebration and practice. Sometimes those sensitivities, I believe, run a little too high and get in the way of what we should be focusing on; family, universal values, loving kindness, etc.

Ironically and somewhat hypocritically, I admit, I work for a Jewish temple (sent through an employment agency). Someone called the temple during the December holiday season a while back to ask me if putting holly up in their company’s common areas for decoration would be appropriate. They wanted to know if it had a negative connotation or was offensive to Jews. They also wanted to know if there was a more neutral but still seasonal decoration that they might use to spruce up their building grounds.

Holly is one of the symbols of Christmas, representing the crown that Jesus wore and the flower of the material from which the cross was built amongst other things. Since Jews don’t celebrate Christmas, let alone believe that Jesus was the son of god, my first thought was obvious: create wreathes of holly in the shape of Jewish stars.

However, if you represent both Judaism and Christianity in your decorations do you offend neither – or do you offend both? Further, what about all the other religions not represented?

What if you used symbols from all religions in your decor? Well, that design might get a little busy. I don’t know that a Christmas tree flocked with Hanukkah blue faux-snow, adorned with lotus flowers and a nine-pointed Bhai’i star and placed upon a Kwanzaa mkeka (mat) would be so Feng Shui.

So, logically, I recommended created a completely non-denominational atmosphere. The major symbols of the holidays like menorahs, dreidels, Jewish stars, objects of African heritage, Christmas trees, wreathes, frankincense, myrrh, ivy, mistletoe, holly, poinsettias, candy canes, statuettes of men in loincloths, animals or swaddled babies and crucifixes would be the obvious things to avoid.

And, since Hanukkah has the menorah, Kwanzaa has the misumaa saba (seven candles) and Christmas is associated with light and candles, it would be best to avoid any lighted display. Especially do to the fact that the number of candles lit varies from religion to religion.

Further, any invocation of the solstice or other Pagan holiday would certainly not do. So, the place should be constantly heated to avoid association with winter. Any snow naturally fallen should be removed as it falls.

The crescent moon and star of course is used widely as representative of Islam. This also might mean that the grounds would be closed at night or outfitted with a roof-like covering so nobody would see the moon and stars in the sky and think they might be left visible intentionally to invoke Islam.

Plus, subtler symbolism like Christmas bells or the Buddhist Precious Umbrella or Dharma Wheel should not be part of the mis-en-scene either. This means that the location should be soundproof in case there are bells at nearby locations. Streets around the location should be blocked off so that the wheels on the cars aren’t misconstrued (this can be arranged with the city) and people should be restricted from carrying umbrellas even if it rains.

Fruits and vegetables (especially corn) are associated with Kwanzaa and any other food, unless checked by a rabbi might not be Kosher. If it were Kosher, it might offend the tastes of those who are not Jewish. Thus, people should not be allowed to eat or carry food through the decorative area.

Further, I suggested being cautious with coloring. I recommended staying away from Hanukkah blue, white or silver. Red and green stand for both Christmas and Kwanzaa, which is also represented by black so these would also be colors to avoid. Of course any other color derived from combinations of these colors could be construed as being biased. And transparent or translucent decoration could not be used since placing them in front of anything colored which would be seen through them might be offensive as well.

I also realized that joy, dreams, miracles and any other emotion or concept associated with religion should be kept to oneself as one enjoys exists in the decorated area. You wouldn’t want anyone else to think the company put you up to feeling or thinking a certain way to promote one religion over another.

It finally came down to suggesting the decorations be a nice black hole, which of course would have to be referred to as a “great void” because, as I mentioned, the black Kwanzaa candle. But, then again, if you are trying to be neutral so as not to offend a particular religion and you decorate with quantum physics, which is science, you might be seen as catering to atheists by all those religious people who reject science.

At this point the solution is extremely clear. Offer handicapped differently-abled children to do the decorating. Nobody gets offended by them. But, just in case, the only material you provide them to do the decorating is a legal notice that makes clear your intentions are not to offend or show bias.

Just don't use my tax dollars to pay for it!

It's barely Thanksgiving and I already see holiday decorations around town. Let's start this season off with the intention to remember what matters in life and get along, regardless of religious affiliation or lack thereof :-)

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written by WeaselMomma, November 19, 2009

Very amusing. It took me a minute of picking my jaw up off the floor and saying to myself "This guy has got to be kidding", before I read a little further to realize that you were.

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written by Daddy Files, November 19, 2009

I liked this one. Well written.

I'm not religious at all but I don't care about nativity scenes and menorahs. As long as they're all allowed and there are no restrictions on any particular faith, then knock yourself out.

But going the opposite way and creating the black hole is just a shame.

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written by Zerzix, November 19, 2009

Well I am a freedom of religion and not from religion person myself. The City of Banks, Alabama prides itself on having the oldest Christmas Decorations in Alabama, having used the same basic display for years, only changing bulbs and upgrading faulty wires. The Decorations are vary Christian/Christmas in nature and maintained by the city, but it is a tradition to display them, and the people of Banks enjoy them regardless of personal religion.

You are allowed to show you personal religious displays for the season with in your homes and yards, and public land if you have all the correct permits.

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written by pjmullen, November 19, 2009

This was great. It reminds me of the time when I was working retail during college. I worked at a CVS north of Boston in a community that had a rather large Jewish population. We had the biggest display of Hanukkah merchandise of all the company's stores in the area that I had seen.

One night at the end of double shift, and having pulled two all nighters that week studying for finals, I slipped and wished a customer a "Merry Christmas" rather than my normal "Happy Holidays" after I had rung her up and bagged her items. In the blink of an eye she ripped into me, telling me how rude I was, that she was Jewish and I should be fired. I apologized and wished a her a good night, but that didn't seem to appease her, as she asked for the name of the store manager.

The next afternoon when I came in for my shift (I was the evening supervisor), the manager asked to speak to me. The woman had indeed called and detailed what happened. I explained it was just a mistake on my part and apologized for causing any problems. She said it was fine, that these things happen. Then my manager asked if by chance I remembered what the customer had purchased. I said, yes, it was forty dollars worth of Christmas cards and wrapping paper.

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written by Melisa with one s, November 19, 2009

I LOVED this post. This is one of the best posts I've read (ever) on this topic.

As a Jew, I am very used to being surrounded by signs of Christmas from about November 15 until the end of the year. What works best for me is to tolerate it. I recognize that I am in a minority and as long as I can celebrate Hanukkah in my own house, I'm happy. I get it that the majority of Americans celebrate Christmas, and although my eyes tire of seeing so much red and green, my problems could be way worse and I'm happy to watch people get excited about their holiday.

I do complain about Christmas music quite a bit, because frankly, there IS too much of a good thing as far as that goes.

My only other complaint? That EVERYTHING except for the movie theaters and some (not all!) Chinese restaurants are closed on Christmas. I mean seriously, it's like a ghosttown out there on December 25!

Thanks for writing this.

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written by CharliePATpk, November 20, 2009

Melisa: BLOCKBUSTER used to be opened on Christmas day, but as they contract and close shops, I'd guess those that remain may well be closed on that day, too.

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written by eyesofbabes, November 20, 2009

Thank you for the complements.

@WeaselMooma, Sometimes I get inspired. I thought a little humor might lighten the mood of late :-)

@Daddy Files – your are right about the black hole. Besides, I don’t think it would work logistically.

@Zerzix – luckily for us, this country, as outlined in our founding documents, guarantees freedom of and from religion. But it goes without saying that you are entitled to your opinion as always. I appreciate and enjoy holiday decorations as much as the next person. Certainly, with correct permits, etc, knock yourself out. That being said, I am a firm believer in the complete separation of church and state and don’t think religion should be state sponsored in any way, but I will concede it is the nature of our country, our people and our system that sometimes tax dollars go to things we don’t agree with.

@pjmullen – that’s hilarious!

@Melisa with one s – you are too kind :-) I sympathize with your complaints as well, growing up in a Jewish household. My dad would bring us stockings with little toys on Christmas partially so we didn’t feel left out but it also gave him a chance to talk about religion and beliefs. We ate a lot of Chinese food as well.