Jim and Nancy: Their Adoption Story Thursday, 23 July 2009 12:28 Written by mytwodaddies

Like many couples, Jim and Nancy were having difficulty getting pregnant. After many doctor appointments and a lot of money spent, it has been concluded that they could not become pregnant. They carefully researched their options and found after educating themselves with the ways of creating a family, they decided on adoption through an agency.

 

The agency was very helpful through the process and Jim and Nancy were eager to complete all the requirements put in front of them by the agency.

 

About a year after the process, they were matched with a birth mother. She was a 19 year old college student, named Joslyn (Jossie). She had gotten pregnant by having a one night stand with another student at a different university. “It was a one time thing” she said. “I don’t even know his last name”.
Jossie was in her 7 month. She had originally wanted to keep the baby (girl) however as more time went by, she realized it was not such a good idea. Her dream is to be an actress. She wanted to tour Europe after graduation and tour with a Theater group. So on her 7 month of pregnancy, she contacted the very same agency that Jim and Nancy used. The agency matched Jossie with 4 potential families (one being Jim and Nancy). Jossie looked over the birth mother letters from each family. For those of you that do not know what a birth-mother letter is, it’s an auto-biography with pictures of the potential adoptive parents. Jossie chose to meet Jim and Nancy. “I love the pictures they had in the birth-mother letter, specifically the pictures in Italy. Nancy seemed warm with a bright smile and Jim was very affectionate to her in every picture, so I wanted to meet them.”

 

The agency checked with the adoptive parents about the potential placement. Nancy and Jim were thrilled and said “Please give her our phone number”. Four days passed and Nancy and Jim never received a call. Nancy called the agency and double check and the agency confirmed that their phone number was given to Jossie.

 

Another 4 days went by and Nancy and Jim thought that Jossie might have changed her mind. Then suddenly on a Sunday evening at around 7:00pm their phone rang. Nancy was watching the local news on t.v. She answered the phone, “Hello?”. There was a brief silence and Nancy thought it might be one of the solicitation calls and was ready to hang up but then heard, “Um, hi, is this Nancy?”. Nancy replied, “yes, who is calling please?”.

 

“Hi Nancy, my name is Joslyn, Jossie…well, Jossie is not my last name..but what I preferred to be called, it would be funny to have a name Joslyn Jossie” . An awkward laugh followed.

 

“Jossie?, thank you so much for calling us, we’ve been waiting for your phone call which seemed forever.”

 

“Yes, sorry it took me so long, please don’t think it’s about changing my mind, I really need to do this. I’ve been so busy with mid terms.”

“Can we meet” Nancy said.

 

“Yeah, I would like that”

 

They worked over the details. Nancy stayed fairly calm during the phone call. When she hung up, she ran to the bedroom where Jim was reading. Jim and Nancy were truly the happiest and most excited they have been in ages. It was also one of the best and most intimate evening they had in a very long time.

 

Nancy, Jim and Jossie really clicked. A great relationship was forming. Jossie is the kind of girl that is friendly and quick witted. She liks to tease people and joke around. Jossie referred to Jim and Nancy as her own adopted parents.   They lived about 2 hours away from each other, but saw each other every weekend. Jossie would come down or Nancy and Jim would go up. Jossie was in her 9^th month and the doctor said they would induce her pregnancy. Nancy and Jim attended every doctor appointment with Jossie.

 

This made the planning so much easier for Nancy and Jim. They packed up their bags and stayed in a hotel near Jossie’s dorm. Jossie stayed with them at the hotel the night before she was going in to get induced. They hung out and watched tv had a great dinner using room service.

 

The next morning, they went to the hospital. Nancy and Jim were so excited. Jossie asked if Nancy would please stay with her during labor. Jim waited in the waiting room. Jossie ended up having a C section and gave birth to an 8lb 2oz baby girl.  Nancy and Jim were in tears as they held this little baby girl. Jossie was laying on her hospital bed pretty warn out. She was expressionless and staring at the ceiling.  “I can’t..”

 

Nancy and Jim were smiling at the time and talking about their baby girl’s cute little fingers…but Nancy heard this in the background. A sense of panic ran through her body..”What Jossie?...did you say something?”

 

“I can’t do this, I’m sorry, I can’t. Can I please hold my daughter?”

 

“Jossie, of course you can hold her, but what are saying? Are you saying you can’t go through with the adoption?”.

 

“I’m confused, I don’t know what I am saying, can I just be alone for a while?..Can I call you at the hotel tomorrow morning?”.

 

Jim and Nancy were in shock. Nancy described the feeling as being numb but had a sensation of blood rushing through her head. Jim had his hands on both her shoulders. Jim spoke. “Jossie, we will give you all the time you need, you have our number and we will be waiting at the hotel.”.

 

Nancy did not make a sound, but had tears rolling down her face. Jim opened the car door for her and assisted her in the car. As Jim was driving back to the hotel, he said, “Nancy, we have to try and stay…”Nancy interrupted, “Don’t!, please Jim..Don’t”.

 

When they arrived at the hotel, Nancy called the agency and spoke to their social worker and told her everything that happened.

The social worker said she would call the hospital and speak with the social worker on duty at the hospital that was to assist Jossie in signing the relinquishment documents.   Nancy and Jim waited at the hotel for two of the most important phone calls of their life. One from the social worker to give an update, and one from Jossie.  The social worker called first and confirmed that Jossie had changed her mind. She said that she feels terrible but she can’t go through with it.   Jim and Nancy were devastated. During their education of the adoption process, they did know there could be these issues, but nothing can really prepare you emotionally when it does.

 

“How do you know you can trust another person in this process?”. Nancy said. My heart hurt, my head hurt.

 

Two months went by and Jim and Nancy were placed with a baby boy. The birth mother had given birth and at that very moment decided at the hospital to give him up for adoption. She signed the relinquishment at the hospital and Nancy and Jim went home with their son.

 

8 more months went by, Nancy and Jim’s son is now 8 months. He was crawling and really thriving. Nancy was happy.

 

Through the last 10 months, she would think about Jossie and the baby girl. She used to think, where are they now?...Did Jossie continue with her studies? Is the baby with Jossie’s parents? How is Jossie doing? She would even think about trying to call her but wasn’t sure if she was strong enough.

 

Which is why to her surprise when her phone rang, it was Jossie.

 

“Nancy?, this is Jossie, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, what I did was terrible”

 

Nancy began to tear up and said, “Jossie?..no, it’s ok.. I was so hurt, so disappointed, but I can not be mad at you. How is….she?”

 

“Nancy?”

 

Nancy said “yes?”

 

Jossie said, “No, with awkward laughter, that’s her name, it’s Nancy”.   Jossie was crying and they stayed on the phone for 2 hours. Jossie still believes she made the right decision for herself. She could not give up her baby, but she had, in such a short time, really connected with Nancy and felt as though she was a mother figure to her.  According to Nancy, it took some work but they became very close. Their children were only two months apart and they play together to this day.

 

Jossie quit college. She works as an assistant for a mortgage broker and is working on getting her license. Nancy says in the end, I have a son, a grown daughter and a grand-daughter. I could not be happier.  Nancy plans to create a blog to help adoptive parents going through similar issues. She hopes to inspire people to stay focused and be prepared for emotions on every angle of the spectrum. 

Thanks Nancy and Jim for sharing your story.  Of course, names have been altered.