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It is no secret that during pregnancy, and after the birth of your baby, the spark in your relationship tends to be put on the back burner. Most dads find it frustrating, at times, that they cannot enjoy their partner's company as much as they did before the child was in the picture. Between diaper changes, crying and bath time where can you find the time to be intimate?
It can sometimes be a really difficult situation and some parents begin to feel disassociated, with each other, because of the lack of contact. It is true that a child can put a limit or strain on a relationship, but it does not have to be that way. Work together, talk to each other about your concerns. It may be that not only you are feeling neglected; your partner may be "missing" you too. Be sure to utilize your city. Go online and do some research. There are tons of venues for you to take refuge.
| Please note: Doctors do advise couples to wait six weeks, after the pregnancy, to have sexual activity. Check with your physician. |
The following are some helpful hints, for new dads, on how to keep the romance in your relationship:
- Get a babysitter (grand parent, sibling or a close friend) for a couple of hours, and enjoy a romantic date night.  For example, a nice quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant.
- Utilize the baby monitor! Run a warm bath, play some soft comforting music and enjoy some downtime with your partner.
- While junior is taking a, well-deserved, nap use the quiet time to give each other a backrub.
- Depending on how trusting you are, call a babysitter, (grandparent, sibling or a close friend) and take an overnight break at a local spa or hotel just for one evening. Try www.hotwire.com for a quick and affordable rate. It is often difficult to leave your baby, overnight, but sometimes it will be a welcomed separation for your mind and your relationship.
- Sometimes something as simple as picking up a bouquet of flowers at the local florist or grocery store, on your way home, is a sweet gesture to let your partner know how much you care.
Think about your child. A strong relationship will solidify a good family foundation. Your child will feel more loved and cared for when he/she has happy parents.
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written by SurprisedMom, July 28, 2009
These are wonderful, sensible, common sense suggestions that are easily followed. I think my husband and I did each and everyone of these after our girls were born. They work and brought us closer together.
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written by creativeDad, July 29, 2009
Great suggestions Eric...I know I have been thinking about this lately with our first due in about 2 months now. I'm sure it can be a difficult thing to keep together with all the new added stresses and responsibilities a baby brings. Thanks for the info.
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written by whatnowdad, July 29, 2009
Those are all great suggestions. I think the best way for a husband to show his affection right after his child is born is to HELP his wife any way possible. My wife was so exhausted that anything I could do to help went a long way in making her feel better, and when she felt better she was able to give more of herself to me.
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written by Surfer Jay, July 29, 2009
Yeah, those are some great tips. Except uh, that last one. Thinking about your child might hinder things a bit. When we were finally going to get it on after the baby was born, and I saw him in the monitor, well, I 'limp'ed, out of there.
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written by PC Nena, July 30, 2009
Another important tip is for mothers to not exclude fathers from the experience. Not much of a 
mood when your to busy telling him all that he is doing wrong.
But I suppose we needed more of a how to space out the intimacy considering our first 3 kids were born back to back 2002, 2003 and 2004 we kinda spaced the next one out to 2006 and then again to 2008 lol. But these tips are all wonderful suggestions. Making time for each other should be top priority. If mommy and daddy are not happy it just makes it that much more stressful to deal with a child, or two or 5 in our case.
We like the around here very much 
mood when your to busy telling him all that he is doing wrong. But I suppose we needed more of a how to space out the intimacy considering our first 3 kids were born back to back 2002, 2003 and 2004 we kinda spaced the next one out to 2006 and then again to 2008 lol. But these tips are all wonderful suggestions. Making time for each other should be top priority. If mommy and daddy are not happy it just makes it that much more stressful to deal with a child, or two or 5 in our case.
We like the
around here very much
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written by WeaselMomma, August 01, 2009
This is a good article and brings up many great suggestions. What it does miss is a root cause of the lack of physical intimacy with new moms. It is very difficult to feel sexy not only when you are tired, but also when spit-up in your newest perfume, hair is no longer a priority and you are breastfeeding (very bonding and rewarding) but you feel like a feeding trough. The worry of milk leakage and the extra skin that isn't as elastic as you had hoped it would be, plus the added pressure of Daddy wants some mommy time is very wearing on the soul. Patience is the biggest key.
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written by Spiny Norman, August 02, 2009
As a dude this is a topic I have never felt qualified to address.
Let's be realistic. When my wife gave birth to our daughter my job during the entire ordeal was pretty...umm...easy. I sat there, offered encouraging words, and held her hand as she gave birth. The only pain I experienced was when she bit my hand (didn't break the skin but left a mark) at one point in during a particularly nasty contraction. All things considered, I got off pretty easy!
When my girls came home, there was a lot I could do. Cook, clean, give my wife some rest time when the baby agreed, etc. I felt like I was of a lot more use at home than the potted plant I was in the hospital. I was a part of things!
Home adjustment went well. The biggest shock in those first few days was how moved I was to watch my wife breast feed our daughter. I was prepared to be weirded out by it. I mean, come on. Prior to baby's arrival my wife's breasts were a great source of fun and pleasure for me (how MALE did that sound?). I was really worried that upon watching breast feeding I would be either A, disgusted, which would be bad or B, aroused, which would have been infinitely worse. I was totally unprepared to be so touched by the maternal act I was witnessing. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I'm not saying I popped the popcorn and took a front row seat for every feeding, but I will never forget how beautiful, how natural it was to watch my wife use her body to nourish our little one.
So, taking all that into account, I never knew when to bring the s-word up. Yes I was still a guy with all of a guys desires, but I felt like to approach my wife with this topic after all she had been through physically was akin to asking the firefighter who has just saved my burning house from destruction to please clean off my DVD collection that got wet and sooty in the process.
Thankfully, about 2 months or so after The Peanut's arrival my wife, sensing my hesitation and awkwardness took matters into her own hands...so to speak...and life was good. But I didn't bring it up. I encourage all new dads to hold back on this issue as long as you can. Your wife's body has just gone through nature's cider press. She will let you know when she is ready.
Intimacy with children in the house, well now that is a whole other issue...
Let's be realistic. When my wife gave birth to our daughter my job during the entire ordeal was pretty...umm...easy. I sat there, offered encouraging words, and held her hand as she gave birth. The only pain I experienced was when she bit my hand (didn't break the skin but left a mark) at one point in during a particularly nasty contraction. All things considered, I got off pretty easy!
When my girls came home, there was a lot I could do. Cook, clean, give my wife some rest time when the baby agreed, etc. I felt like I was of a lot more use at home than the potted plant I was in the hospital. I was a part of things!
Home adjustment went well. The biggest shock in those first few days was how moved I was to watch my wife breast feed our daughter. I was prepared to be weirded out by it. I mean, come on. Prior to baby's arrival my wife's breasts were a great source of fun and pleasure for me (how MALE did that sound?). I was really worried that upon watching breast feeding I would be either A, disgusted, which would be bad or B, aroused, which would have been infinitely worse. I was totally unprepared to be so touched by the maternal act I was witnessing. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I'm not saying I popped the popcorn and took a front row seat for every feeding, but I will never forget how beautiful, how natural it was to watch my wife use her body to nourish our little one.
So, taking all that into account, I never knew when to bring the s-word up. Yes I was still a guy with all of a guys desires, but I felt like to approach my wife with this topic after all she had been through physically was akin to asking the firefighter who has just saved my burning house from destruction to please clean off my DVD collection that got wet and sooty in the process.
Thankfully, about 2 months or so after The Peanut's arrival my wife, sensing my hesitation and awkwardness took matters into her own hands...so to speak...and life was good. But I didn't bring it up. I encourage all new dads to hold back on this issue as long as you can. Your wife's body has just gone through nature's cider press. She will let you know when she is ready.
Intimacy with children in the house, well now that is a whole other issue...
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written by JS, August 21, 2009
It is easier to make whoopie while children are still "babies" b/c they can't walk in on you..
but right after... just be supportive and not pushy.
If you aren't too pushy.. you might get some booty! Ok that was wrong, but funny! LOL!
but right after... just be supportive and not pushy.
If you aren't too pushy.. you might get some booty! Ok that was wrong, but funny! LOL!
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