Stay at Home Dads

The Bad Days Monday, 25 January 2010 22:22 Written by Hossman

Usually I’m the guy who cracks a joke.  I write about something that I think is funny, like trying to pick out clothes for my daughter or my adventures with Sheila the dad hating customer service twit.  I like to look at the lighter side of things because that makes my life easier as a SAHD.  For 10 years I investigated abuse against the elderly.  I’ve seen shit that just shouldn’t be in this world.  To walk into a meth lab was considered an easy day.  And I was good at it.  Hell, I was great.  Your grandma would freaking love me.   She would make me dinner.

Doing such work though for so long causes you to really look for the good or to make light of the terrible.  It’s the only way to cope.  If you didn’t, you’d crack.  So that’s the way I’ve built myself, the guy who leaves the serious talks to someone else while I go on about how I sweat peeling an orange.  But sometimes I just can’t avoid it and I don’t know why.  Rarely do I write the serious article but sometimes I have to.  So here we go.  The unexpected obstacle of the stay at home dad.  I’ll try to be funny.  Don’t worry, it’s a coping mechanism.

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A Texan In The Snow Wednesday, 06 January 2010 02:32 Written by Hossman

Shoveling snow offends my Texas sensibilities. Snow is not for shoveling, it’s for playing in and occasionally writing your name in with very creative writing utensils. Deep down, I’m a misunderstood artist. And you are never supposed to be sweating while in snow. Ever. It’s cold, therefore you should be cold. You should not be asking yourself why you didn’t wear only a sweatshirt out here instead of your big winter jacket. And yet, I’m sweating like a fat kid peeling an orange.

I can’t believe that I’m about to say this, but I think I hate snow. I grew up in Texas and lived there until I was 34. Snow was a treat, something that came maybe once every 2 or 3 years. And when it did, never more than an inch or two. As Texans, everyone would freak out. Schools would close, militia’s would form, and the national guard would be sent out in force.  We would then spend 30 minutes outside in cloth gloves and sneakers because you never need anything more when you are in Texas. A cold day is considered 50 degrees. Within 24 hours all the snow would melt away and we would all talk about the blizzard of aught 3 like old timers that stormed a beach.

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Wrapping Presents Thursday, 17 December 2009 00:00 Written by Hossman

No dude, I got this.  Dammit, I said I got this.  Ok, everyone back away, I'm all over this.  I bought the presents and I'll wrap them myself.  I do not think it is ok to wrap your own presents so I'll be doing it myself this year.  Sure, I could ask my wife to do this as she has some savant gift when it comes to wrapping presents.  But I ask you, is it really fair for the wife to wrap her own gifts?  I say no.  It's part of the gift giving.  It shows that I loved you so much that I choose the extra special wrapping paper, in this case 3 year old birthday party wrapping paper.  Because I'm awesome and recycle. 

So yes, I got this.  I'm all over this like the stain on my carpet.  I'm there until we either move or I die, one of the two.  Either way, I'm going to stick to this until I have wrapped all the gifts.

But I do have a question, um, how do you wrap lotion.  I'm just asking, not that important or anything.  I'm just saying that it's an odd shaped present.  And if I bought her several bottles of lotion and some fancy hand soap, do I wrap them all together or can I just kind of throw it into a giant wrapping paper ball.  I vote the second.

No problems, I'll just figure this out.  I went to college and I'm a smart man.  I once tried out for Jeopardy.  Trebek can suck it, I would have rocked on that show. 

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A SAHD’s Thoughts on Tiger Woods’ Transgressions Friday, 04 December 2009 16:23 Written by steelydad

Normally I don’t follow too much celebrity gossip but I readily admit that the recent Tiger Woods headlines have caught and sustained my attention. So long ADD!

I respect Tiger Woods as an athlete. If there was one autograph I’d actually make an effort to obtain, it would be Tiger’s. As a golf enthusiast, I understand the true breadth and depth of his talent. But to marvel at Tiger’s talent is only half the story. What separates the World’s Best Golfer is his unbending work ethic. Tiger’s religious devotion to practice and training is well documented. Perhaps there are other tour players who possess more raw talent but none exist who compete with Tiger’s work regimen.

Tiger is also unique in that throughout his career he has enjoyed a high level of celebrity combined with a commensurate level of privacy. Before recent stories of infidelity, Tiger’s name was nary mentioned in tabloids. His image was squeaky clean and seemingly unimpeachable. It is this image, even more than his golfing acumen, that has afforded Tiger his life of luxury. Each year, on average, Tiger earns between $10-$12 million in golf winnings. Comparatively, he makes approximately $110 million in endorsements. Of all the incredible athletes to grace the field of play, Tiger will be the first to hit the billion dollar mark (if he hasn’t already). That’s how valuable Tiger is as a brand.

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