Society on Dads

Monday, 01 February 2010 00:00

Written by steelydad

fail-owned-shopping-cart Not too long ago I published a post entitled, “So You Want to be a Stay-At-Home Dad?” as a reference guide to dads who are becoming stay-at-home dads (SAHD) either by choice or by circumstance. Feel free to forward it to dads that are currently, or are becoming, SAHDs.

However, in order to strike some balance between the sexes, I thought I’d provide what I consider some “suggestions” to moms who encounter our unique breed: the stay-at-home dad. (The irony of my unsolicited advice is not lost on me. See rule #4.)

Although the advice is developed from my own personal experiences as a SAHD, it certainly can apply to all types of dads.

Feel free to comment and keep the conversation going:

1. Treat us like your mom pals. No, I don’t mean share feminine hygiene tips with us. I mean put us on the same level with your other mom associates. Like it or not, we’re pretty much like you. We are parents who strive to be good parents to our children. Do we goof it from time to time? Absolutely, but in all honesty, we probably don’t goof it as often as you think. Dare I say it? We probably goof it as often as you.

Parenthood is man’s glass ceiling. Be kind and remember when you had to break through yours.

2. We're not all morons (dude on the right is an exception). Contrary to the stereotypes you may see on television and in commercials, we are capable, talented and sometimes exceptional parents. Some of us can use other kitchen appliances besides the microwave. Many of us actually know that kids need to eat when they’re hungry. Others know how to put a kid in a car seat. Yes, I know it’s crazy. I’m not saying I know how to do any of these things; I’m just saying there are apparently some stay-at-home dads that do. Give us some props when we rock it.

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My father: Coming Full Circle

Sunday, 03 May 2009 00:00

Written by mytwodaddies

Memory:

"Paulie, eat your spinach on that plate!"..."Daddy, I can't it makes me throw up".

"Paulie, I said eat it!, Don't be such a frigg'in sissy!".

While he was not looking I spit it in napkins, rolled it up and put it under my plate.

I left my father's house when I was 17. I moved with my mother to San Diego California. I can't say I was unhappy about leaving my dad. I felt like I was a great disappointment to him. Being the youngest of a household of macho, sports playing, car talking brothers, I couldn't have been any more different. I felt outside the family circle for most of my adolescent years.

Moving to San Diego was liberating for me. Once I was living on my own and had my own apartment (well shared with a college friend), I lived openly gay. All my friends knew I was gay (did not have any gay friends yet though). The only people I was not out to were my family members. My dad was a typical macho, Italian construction worker (he was a mason) with so many prejudices, I would never come out to him or any of my family for that matter. I began dating and becoming comfortable with my sexuality. My relationship became serious and we were thinking of moving in together. I was in love with a man who was in the Marines and was currently married to a woman. Long story...but we ended up together for about 5 years.

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What Being A Dad Means To Me

Wednesday, 22 April 2009 00:00

Written by mytwodaddies

I can't answer for everyone. Why do we have children?. What's the reason someone wants to become a mother or a father? For me, it's a clear answer. I always new, even in my younger years, that I had an emotion that existed inside that I had not had the chance to exercise. It stayed inside me and would only surface when I hung out with my baby niece, or a close friend's baby. This feeling of joy and love would emerge when I was around children. What a great feeling.

I remember in my early 20s when I took a job as a Teacher's Aide/Interpreter for deaf children (grade 4-6) that were mainstreamed in classes with hearing students.

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Arguing In Front of The Kids, Do You Lose Respect?

Tuesday, 14 April 2009 00:00

Written by mytwodaddies

No matter what age your children are, does this now mean you can not argue with your spouse in front of them and could your children lose respect for you?

I think back at when my parents argued and I remember getting a nervous feeling in my stomach. One time, when I was young (and frankly do not remember this on my own and am relying on a story my mother told me) my mom had to convince me to get out from under the bed by saying mommy and daddy are not angry anymore. The older I got the better I was at hiding that feeling I had in my stomach...but it was still there. This has stuck with me til adulthood and I always told myself that I would not argue with my partner in front of my son.

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The Stereotypes of Daddy Roles Has Got To Change

Sunday, 05 April 2009 23:00

Written by mytwodaddies

For years and years it's been the Mom. The mom stays home with the children. She nurtures them, she is the affectionate one. She is usually the one the child will go to when they need something.

This is the key reason why most of the respect will go to the Mom AND don't get me wrong they DESERVE to be respected. It's a hard job and takes a lot of patience.

But what about Dad? Is it fair that the very same mom described above say phrases to their children like, "Just wait 'til your father gets home" or "Ask your father first, if it's ok with him, then I say ok". What does this instill in the child?. The Dad is the authoritarian? He is the one to be most afraid of when things go wrong? Who decided this role?

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