Fatherhood Friday is both a day and a growing community of dads and moms sharing stories, ideas, photos and movies with one topic in mind - fatherhood. In a world that seems happy to deliver a message that dads are incapable buffoons, Dad Blogs is committed to changing that perception. The reality is, as we see it, parents today are more aware of parenting and the impact it has on their children and dads everywhere are becoming more active caregivers. If you don't believe me--check out the posts in our archives.
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Welcome to this wonderful, theme-free edition of Fatherhood Friday! Since I've been slacking and paying more attention to my paying job the past few weeks (months), Joe has gotten all crazy and tried to corral FF into a specific topic. Well, topics begone, says I. Write about whatever you want today, be it fungicide or fruit cake. In Joe's defense, the themes are optional, but then it's no fun busting on him if we take that into consideration.
Today, I'd like to regale you with a quick story about giving. When i say giving, I mean the larger sense of the word, not just giving someone ten bucks or letting your neighbor ruin borrow your hedge trimmer. I'm talking about the giving that goes above-and-beyond.
My wife and I recently decided to help out a woman in her 50s after receiving a frantic phone call from her regarding a pending eviction. Nobody likes being kicked out onto the street, so we decided to help her pack and get settled. We even went as far as letting her crash at our place for a few days, as she (allegedly) had a new place lined up. This may seem a bit too much for most families, but we have been helped quite a bit in our day and we like to pay it forward whenever we can. We've become a bit jaded, but I like to think of it more as a higher sense of caution. Now, for reality.
The woman turned out to be a hoarder. Her apartment was full of magazines and notepads filled with the same scribblings over and over. She had approximately 100 different boxes of herbal teas, all with only a few bags used out of each. There were old boxes of books stacked to the ceiling and the cat had free reign over the house, which made the place smell like a litter box. The second bedroom was essentially impenetrable, filled with boxes and bags of everything imaginable. It was horrific.
Being the super-humans that we like to think we are, my wife and I thought we could whip out the job in a matter if days and be done. Well, three weeks passed until we finally finished, all without the woman's help. She turned out to be totally useless in packing her own stuff. We made a promise to help her, though, and stuck to it. She had a really rough patch and had nobody at all.
Three weeks became nine weeks of free room and board. Places that were supposedly being looked into all fell through, if they were even real at all. Motivation was sorely lacking with this woman. My wife and I were determined, however, to get her out and moving on before Christmas. We gave her everything she needed and then some to get back on her feet, but only saw minor progress. We weren't looking for payback of any kind, but rather validation that we did the right thing. Unfortunately, you can only help people that are truly willing to accept it. She only accepted it as far as a moving company and a hotel.
Given the circumstances, we did what we know will end up helping her out the most: we kicked her out and dropped her off at a local charity that had been helping her. Yes, she was upset and stunned about it. Yes, it seemed cruel in some respects. What I do know is that by disabling the enabling factor of allowing her to continue living in her comfort zone, she will ultimately end up in a better place than before and with a higher sense of self.
My family is doing great, now that her vampiric presence is gone. I would normally feel bad about doing something like this, but this time around, all I can say is Merry Christmas. I wish her the best and hope that she learns how to use the gift we gave her - independence. My question to you is do you think we did the right thing or was it a heartless over-reaction?
Now, onto Fatherhood Friday!
Post your links below--I will reincarnate the optional theme next week. So, as a warning--Fatherhood Friday themes are optional--don't get your panties in a bunch. Anyways, enjoy Fatherhood Friday as usual and have a great weekend!
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written by busy-dad-e, December 18, 2009
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written by WeaselMomma, December 18, 2009
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written by BellaDaddy, December 18, 2009
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written by ciara, December 18, 2009
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written by ciara, December 18, 2009
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written by DevotedDad, December 19, 2009
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And Pete, you're a better man than I am. I have dealt with hoarders and all of them have been EXACTLY as you described this woman. I would've NEVER taken her in with my family because hoarding is pretty much a psychological disorder which can actually be dangerous. Plus it sounds like she was taking advantage of you the whole time and I think you lasted much longer than the average person would've. Don't feel bad at all for doing what you did, you seem to have the patience of a saint.