We both stood there on the edge looking down. The sun was out and it was hot. Not just the sort of hot it gets in the summer, but really sweaty, scorching hot. We left my house early in the morning and headed down to the river. We were playing around in the water when we noticed the large rock cliff above us. First one to the top is king of the mountain. We both raced to be the first one to the top. I got their first and only with a few seconds to spare as my friend jumped up off his last step on the rocky ledge. The view from the top was amazing and it felt like we could see the countryside. We were sweating from the heat and running up the trail to the top of the rocks that overlooked the water. “Are you scared”? I asked as we both looked down. “No, not at all, I’m not afraid, I can do it” was his response. He stepped forward, looked down and I wondered is he really going to do this. We both just stood their silent as I could tell he was trying to talk himself into jumping down below. Come on man, just do it. I stepped closer to the edge and now saw what he saw. Suddenly the enormous gad that divided us between the water and the ground beneath our feet. I was scared and wanted to back down, but I wasn’t about to do that in front of my friend. We both just stood there looking and not really saying anything. Somehow I managed to get the words out of my mouth and still to this day I don’t know what it was that made me say them. “Do you trust me?” I asked. He said, “Yes”. I reached over and grabbed his hand; we counted 1, 2, 3. The next moment all we could feel was the wind against our skin as we were heading down into the water and suddenly the cold water was enveloping us. We shot out of the water screaming and throwing our arms in the air. We had gone to the top, jumped and were still alive.
Ever had any experiences like that? I am sure at some point in your life you have been right there looking over the ledge, to scared to back out, but not really wanting to jump into the water either. Wishing someone was there to give you a hand, reach out to you and say, “Do you trust me? I am here to help get your through this.” As a kid growing up western Montana I was brought to this point many times. Whenever a challenge to jump from something high, jump our bikes off some huge jump we made or walk out on the ice covering the water. We never let on we were scared. We were to cool to admit that and admit I could have used someone who would stand up and offer to help hold my hand. I just stood their many times talking myself into it and finally going for it. I am glad that I did, because I think that it helped me develop some self-confidence.
For most of my life going back to 5th or 6th grade, I have always been the person people felt they could confide in. Peers and friends would come up to me and say, “Can I tell you something?” “You have to promise not to say a word.” “Ok” was my response and I would listen to what they had to say and keep it to myself. I have heard lots and lots of stories expressing the inner hurts, pains, joys and happiness because people felt like they could trust me with what they were saying. Now there have been occasions where I blew it and shared information when I shouldn’t have, but for the most part, all of that information is still locked inside of me and will go with me to my grave.
To be honest, means that we tell the truth. If we are really honest we tell the truth in everything. Have you ever been brutally honest with someone? How did that go? Was it well received? In our culture, most of us believe that “honesty is the best policy”. However we also think it’s ok to tell little white lies for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. Wait, isn’t that a contradiction, I can tell you the truth sometimes but when it comes to hurting your feelings I don’t really want to tell you the truth. How then, can we say we’re really honest when we make exceptions for honesty, isn’t that a contradiction? I believe it is and I think this world is full of contradictions that everyone just accepts.
Aren’t we also told to “speak the truth in love” to one another. Does that mean making exceptions? I don’t think so. I want to be known as someone who is honest in my speech and that I don’t make exceptions for honesty. I am straight up honest with you. If we hold back in what we want to say to someone how does that benefit the person? I know that when I am talking with someone I sure hope they are being honest with me. I would hate to find out they had held back. Perhaps then it’s time to have a different conversation with that person and get honest.
I often struggle trying to understand where folks have obtained their morals and principles. If they aren’t a follower of Jesus how do they know it’s not ok to cheat, lie or murder. Who tells them it’s not right? Is it just “them” the same ones my kids refer to when telling me stories about the other kids at school? For myself I look to God’s word (the Bible) for this information. I know a lot of people have a difficult time with this and I can completely understand that. A lot of things have been done in the name of God that doesn’t even begin to make much sense. I get that folks who loudly profess to be Christians and the church have deeply wounded and hurt those folks leaving them feeling betrayed and hating God, Christians and the church . Don’t think for a minute as a follower of Jesus that I don’t struggle with those same thoughts. There have been plenty of times where I have questioned my faith journey, fellow Christians as well as the church . In my experience as a believer, someone who has served in leadership in the church and been an active member of the church I have been deeply wounded to the point of wanting to walk away from it all and never return. This isn’t just a one time thing either, it’s happened on more occasions than I can count. For me I continually keep coming back to God because my life and all that I have been through shouts out there is a God and he is in charge. Time and time again I have seen God prove himself in my life through grace, peace, wisdom and love. The only way I am the person, husband, father, friend or leader I am today is because of God and his work in my life. I have never read the entire Bible from front to back. I tend to focus on the New Testament, Proverbs and Job. Frankly, I find it difficult to read a lot of the Old Testament writings, they never appeal to me. However, I do believe that the Bible is relevant today just as it was when it was written. I don’t doubt for a moment that what God had to say in the beginning doesn’t pertain to me today. I have learned to take the principles of what he was speaking, test them and then work them out in my mind and see how they fit in my life and in the culture in which I live. For me the center and core of my life is designed around God and his word. The morals that guide me as a husband, father and person in general all ties back to what God has called us to be. Almost every single day starts of with reading something from the bible and prayer time. For me at this point in my life, I need it. I’ve always needed it, but as I have grown and matured, I need it more. I strive to be the example for my children as they are my greatest audience. I take an active role in our church not just as a leader, but as a participant, I go to church on Sunday, meet with other guys weekly and talk openly and honestly about life issues we all face, I pray with other folks and make myself accountable to stay on track. I open myself up feedback all the time to make sure I am getting it right. Through all that I do it allows me to hear God at work in my life whether it’s from his word or him speaking to me through other means. I believe that real men need a moral compass to guide and direct their lives. Mine happens to be God. I can’t imagine what my life would look like without him. I need and want him everyday. I believe for a man to be any good at anything he will need a force greater then himself to guide and direct his path. In my experience I believe men who are authentic choose to get real about who and what they believe and follow. They are proud of these things and allow it to permeate everything about them. These are the real authentic men I know. This is the real authentic man I have become and it’s only because I put God first that I am able to do this.
Maybe your laughing and saying no such thing really exists today. Maybe in your experience you have yet to meet anyone like this. Well I am here to challenge you on that. These men do exist in various shapes and forms and they are out there. I have met them, I am one and I have some very good friends who are as well. We all strive for this and believe its something all men are capable of. It’s not easy, but man the rewards are priceless. I fully believe these standards are for every man, not just some guys, but every guy. In my continued saga of what it means to be a real man I have come up with this list of items I believe paints a picture of what that man should look like. This list is comprehensive and I will be elaborating on them one at a time. I am a firm believer in men knowing what their place in this world and what they have been called to do. It doesn’t matter what you do – a janitor, garbage collector, CEO or even a President all men should strive to be the best they can and impact the world around them.
God first in everything Integrity Honesty Trustworthy Servant Leadership Hard Working Fairness Gracious Sincerity Forgiveness Boundaries Emotional Control Right Choices Wisdom Leads with love and destroys any parasites so they don’t take him away from the target Knows what his calling/purpose in life is and follows it until God directs him otherwise. Practices good health to live a long life
I often find myself wondering why people do the things they do. What makes them tick, how did they get to the place they are at in their life? What has happened to them that make them do the things they do? When I meet folks and get to know them I try to ask probing questions and find out as much as I can. There is something in me that wants to get to the heart of a person and understand them.
If you lived very long and heard what “they” are telling us as men some things you might hear are: Men are supposed to be strong and independent and do it all, grab life by the balls and do all that you can. We can eat, drink, have as many women and as much sex as possible as we will be happy content real men. Real men love Jesus. Men are stupid and have no clue about much of anything; they are bumbling idiots who need their wives to fix everything (as demonstrated over and over on television). Husbands usually bail on things and leave mom’s to take care of everything, mom’s are always the ones going to bed late because they make sure everything’s taken care of with the kids before mom goes to bed. Nice guys finish last. The list goes on and on. Clearly we as men are bombarded by mixed messages of what it means to be a man. Which explains why so many of us are confused and have no idea and are lost and afraid just toughing it out all on our own. Whoa – yikes, hold on!
While I know all of this gets promoted in the media, what makes any of it true? Have you ever stopped and said enough is enough. I don’t by any of this because it’s not true for my life. If not maybe it’s time you really evaluate all that you have been told and believed. Is this really what makes you a man? I know for me I have spent the last 5 years really evaluating the messages I have been brought up with and where it’s left me.
Tonight my son and I will begin working on what it means to become a man. I put together a manual for him from things I have come up with through reading, experiencing or being convicted of what it means to be a man. Unlike myself I don’t want him growing up questioning himself and his abilities to be a man.
Unfortunately in today’s society there is no definitive answer for this. Its sort of anything goes. Even as a believer and follower of Jesus I have struggled in the church to find answers of what it means to be a man. Jesus is a great model and has many attributes I try to possess, but because so many of our churches have become feminized through the years it leaves men at a loss. I have been actively involved in church leadership for many years and have struggled as a leader to help men in this area. This last year I became part of a group of guys that is exploring this. We are involved in a series entitled “The Quest for Authentic Manhood”. This has been a great experience and the thing I enjoy the most about it is seeing other guys who are searching beginning to feeling like there are some answers available. Really I just love listening to their stories and hearing where they came from and how it’s made them the man they are today and that they desire to move in a much different direction.
Yesterday my 13-year-old daughter asked if I would take her to a movie on Saturday. I of course said yes and asked if she had any ideas about what she wanted to see. She checked out the movies and really couldn’t make up her mind. So finally on Saturday after lunch I asked her what are we going to see. She had narrowed it down to “The Chipmunks”, “Twilight” or “The Blind Side”. I opted for “The Blind Side” as I had no interest in seeing either of the other movies.
“The Blind Side” stars Sandra Bullock as a rich southern mom who interacts with an inner city African American teenager and changes both of their lives for good. Without spoiling the movie that’s the premise and it is based on as they now say “actual events”. I had seen a couple of previews and thought it looked pretty good. I can say after seeing this movie I am glad I did. It moved me deeply and made me think about my own life.
Growing up in small country town that was predominantly white. We lived near an Indian Reservation and the Native Americans weren’t looked upon favorably. They were stereotyped as drunks, abusive, cheaters and liars and were basically considered no good. I wasn’t really exposed to many other races growing up. One summer I spent with my cousins in an even smaller town and happened to befriend some African American kids, which was even odder given the size of the town. I even had a crush on the girl and tried to find any reason I could to hang out with her, but alas that’s another story.
This last Sunday in church I was sitting there listening to 3 of our pastor’s talk about what they had learned from this last year.Each spoke about personal issues they had gone through and how it’s helped them grow.I really enjoyed what hey had to share.
I am the type of person who is in constant reflection.I am always trying to better myself and so I continually analyze my thoughts and actions, maybe sometimes too much.I will say that as I have gotten older I don’t regret as much as I used to because of my words and actions.There are still things in my mind that stand out as – Wow, I can’t believe I said that or did that.What in the world was I thinking, and man I wish I could take that back.”
Posted by: Papa Rockson Thursday December 24, 2009
Tagged in: Untagged
A few years ago I made up my mind that I was no longer going to call myself a Christian. I was tired of being associated with a group of people that did things that didn’t fit with Jesus. So I started referring to myself as a follower of Jesus.
To give you some background perspective. I grew up in Montana out in the country in a place called 9-Mile. We lived on 28 acres and it was pretty cool. I equate it to the television series “Little House on the Prairie” It was an idyllic place to grow up in. I spent my summers swimming and fishing in the creek by our house with our friends. I spend winters sledding down our hill. Those were great memories and I cherish them to this day.
I remember as a young boy hearing stories about the Bible. I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, but I did feel God speaking to me from a young age and from the stories I was told I believed there was a God. When I was about 7 years old I went to VBS at the little country church a few miles from our house and it was there that I made my first public profession that I had decided to ask Jesus into my heart. From that time on I tried in my small little way to follow Jesus. Since my family wasn’t believers we didn’t go to church.
