My wife and I had a discussion about friendships and the importance it plays in our life. Based on our conversation I think we can categorize it into 2 different types. Those 2 groups would be “lots of friends” or “a few close personal friends”.

While my wife and I know a lot of people through the various involvements, we define our friendships vastly different. My wife has 3 people that she considers close “best” friends. We’ve had this discussion for years and even to this day it baffles my mind. She’s explained to me that women have multiple best friends. I have always taken the notion when someone says they have a best friend this is defined as one person who you have a lot of history with and spend time doing activities or just hanging out. This person knows most everything about you and would be there for you no matter what. So to hear my wife say she has multiple best friends makes me take a step back. Perhaps this is a male vs. female issue, I still am not sure.

While my wife has 3 people that she considers her best friends and maybe a handful of other folks who she considers friends. She finds it comforting to be content with this small amount of friends. She likes the stability and consistency of having the same friends and not having to work on creating new relationships.

I on the other hand have more friends that I have time to do things with. I thrive on lots of different types of friends from all walks of life. For me it offers me an opportunity to having a greater appreciation for our differences and being able to understand people from very different walks of life.

While I was growing up I didn’t have many friends, I tried to fit in with folks who didn’t want me being a part of their sphere. I wasn’t cool, in fact I didn’t know a lot about what being cool meant. I was always trying to make friends and fit in and it was an EPIC FAIL. It wasn’t until high school where I started to feel like I fit in to a small degree.

As I moved onto college I began a friendships with a guy whom I have considered to be one of my best friends. We’ve had our ups and downs over the years, about 6 years ago we had a large falling out and last year we were able to reconcile. Which I am very glad we were able to, as angry as I was and as horrible as I was in the way I handled the situation, I truly had missed him being part of my life and I was very thankful when he finally called me and we were able to talk it out.

Friendships mean a lot to me just as the people I am friends with. I may not always have the time I want to invest in them I still value them. I constantly try and check in with a large majority of my friends and see how they are doing and what’s going on with them. I attempt to set up times we can get together and hang out for a bit. It’s all part of juggeling our lives.

In regards to my discussion with our wife, we were lamenting how it’s also rare that a couple finds another couple they can develop a really good and long lasting relationship with. My wife and I have had this happen for us once in our 15+ years of being together. They moved to another state and since then we’ve mourned that loss, hoped and prayed it would occur again, and still to this day, nothing. Most of the time my wife and I have our own friendships and we try not to force a couples friendship, probably more so I don’t want this as it just feels awkward to have my wife trying to create friendships for me when I already do a good job of it myself.

The last part of our discussion revolved around our disappointment with quite a few of our friends. We’ve planned get togethers and parties, invited them and time after time they just bail. Of course they have their reasons why, to busy, something came up or they just can’t do it. This has happened numerous times over the years and the more it’s continued to happen the more I am more inclined to just let these relationship go and focus on others where my wife wants to continue to hold on to that relationship. There are times when we have invited someone to our house or set up a time to do something and they have cancelled, which just really frustrate us. We’ve been told they were too busy and as far as excuses go that one irritates me more than any other. Often my response to my wife upon discovering this is “busy, what are they talking about being busy. We have 6 kids, plus 2 extras that live with us, we are constantly doing something and volunteering our time, investing in our kids schools, our church and neighborhood, we’re on the go a lot and they say they are to busy.

I’ve had friends who have been invested in the relationship with not just me but my entire empire. I plan activities/adventures they seem like they have bought into and made plans to do stuff and then tell me sorry somethings came up, I had to make choices so I chose the other activity over yours. WHAT?

The one thing I have learned as I have gotten older is that being busy is relative to your situation. I thought I was busy when I was single, then getting married, busy took on a new meaning and now with a large family busy has a very different meaning. When single folks or those without kids tell me their busy I just chuckle to myself because their busy is so different than mine.

When it comes to friendships I tend to have some old fashioned values about them, and I guess that’s where I get upset; I don’t feel like people embrace those same values anymore. If I tell someone I am planning on doing something with them, I follow through with it. If I am making plans to do something I try never to do it in front of others as I feel this is rude. How would you like to have people make plans and not invite you. If I tell you I want to spend time with you and set up something I follow through with that. If I am going to call you, I will call, my word is my word. That’s what makes a man a man. I still believe your word is honorable. I just wish others embraced these same things.

I still value friendships and always will. To me my friends are just as important as my family in certain periods of my life they became more important then my family. I am thankful and fortunate to have so many amazing friends. I feel guilty that I can‘t keep up with all of them all the time. I am thankful for social media and our ability to stay connected. When I am old I don‘t want to be all alone and have nothing to do. I can’t imagine my kids growing up and leaving and having no friends to do anything with, that would probably be the end of me. Friendships are gifts, they are people we get to choose to invest our lives in. .

Whatever category you call into, lots of friends or few close friends, let your friends know how much you value them and treat them like you would want to be treated. In fact I think someone made a rule about that.

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