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So, I just gave my final thumbs up for the book I have been working on since late May. I am very excited and very anxious. Since it’s so early in the process, the book is only available for purchase through the publisher’s website which you can get to from the book’s website. Even though it is very, very early on there has already been some controversy. A group of stay-at-home dads from Richmond, Virginia were up in arms about the cover and title. Here’s a couple of responses:
“….myself and several other dads from my group do not find the title appeasing. In fact we find it somewhat offensive and distasteful. You know as a SAHD for 9 years what we face and deal with on a daily basis with the community and other SAHM’s. I am not sure if the title is something your daughters may have said and that is what stuck but even knowing what the book is about, I would never buy it just because of the title. The excerpts I read was entertaining and thought provoking for those who do not know what we do and would be good reading but I know I would never want that lying around my house for others to see, with that title. The interesting thing is that myself and many others from this group are very laid back and find humor in much of what we do or how we are viewed. We have a good sense of humor and most of our email base and get together’s deal with fun and laughing. I know I do not find the humor in the title, if that was another avenue you were going.”
Moments later I received this email:
“…I feel very compelled to share a concern I had with your book cover. (Someone’s name) mentioned the titled you have chosen (I wondered how many women would be offended by a book about working women entitled, "Mommy, where's your penis?"), but didn't say anything about the photo you have selected. Intentional or not, it appears that a small female child is looking up at your private area. The title about "vaginas" would make it impossible for readers to miss the connection.
I personally think this is a very inappropriate cover and one that I would not like my children to see, or one that I would like to explain. It would be for that reason that your book would not be welcomed in my home, regardless of richness or humor of the content.”
Score! Controversy and people debating my book based on just the title and cover. I know there will be folks that will have issues with the cover and may pass on the book because of that, but I think there are many others that pass on books because the cover didn’t grab their attention—I didn’t want to be that book, but those aren’t the only reasons for the title and cover. My interview with myself:
Why I went with “Daddy, where’s your vagina?”
I decided on the title first and foremost because it was something that one of my daughters said to me and I think it highlights the awkward condition of being a stay-at-home dad. Also, the title is funny and attention grabbing. Finally, after polling family members, friends, online friends, neighbors, editors and anyone I could I found the overwhelming choice was the title I had been leaning toward all along.
What to expect in the book?
Words. The book has lots and lots of words. There are some numbers and punctuation, but by in large the book is words. Seriously though, the book isn’t about whining about the stay-at-home dad condition, but rather manhandling it. The book uses anecdotes from my past to highlight invaluable lessons I learned through my nine years as a stay-at-home dad. I also give practical parenting tips and approach the topic of parenting from a down to Earth humorous angle. Changing diapers isn’t rocket science after all. There have been some great books that go over the logistics of being an at-home dad, but I have always felt that there has been a real void in a book that is sensitive to the emotional aspects of the occupation—that’s where Daddy, where’s your vagina? comes in.
How good is the book?
Well, the book is (on a sliding scale from 1-10) awesome. The pros of the book are the fatherhood tips, the relationship tips, the humor, the parenting insight, the revealing look at what it’s like to be a stay-at-home dad, and the fact that I wrote it.
Why relationship Tips?
I believe that in order to be a good parent you need to have a strong relationship with your significant other. If the two people most involved in a child’s life aren’t on the same page than it makes the whole operation that much more difficult to undertake.
Who would find this book interesting?
Mammals. Mostly humans. I think humans over age 18 that are thinking about or are becoming caregivers could really benefit from this book. Seriously though, I think the book is entertaining and informative and from that stand point, I think anyone who is a parent would enjoy it and take away some useful information. The book is written in easy to digest passages and short chapters. It’s a great book to pick up when you want to read on the go, or it’s great when you more time to dedicate to turning pages.
Where can I find the lastest information about the book?
Simply got the Facebook fan page for the book, Joeprah.com, or the book's website. Who knows, maybe I'll do a world tour and stop by a Barnes and Noble up the street from you.
Summing it up, the book is something that I believe in strongly. I think it could be of service to a lot of parents especially considering our current economic climate and I am really anxious to see what people think about it. To put my money where my mouth is, I am going to be doing a contest to give away three copies of the book next week.
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written by Joeprah, November 06, 2009
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written by ciara, November 06, 2009
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written by BellaDaddy, November 06, 2009
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written by Daddy Scratches, November 06, 2009
The people it turns off probably aren't the people you're trying to reach anyway.
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written by Daddy Scratches, November 06, 2009
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written by Reservoir Dad, November 07, 2009
It sounds great. I will order a copy and recommend it to the Northern Dad's Group in Melbourne.
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written by Joeprah, November 07, 2009
@ DS - Your blog post is like de ja vu all over again as Yogi Berra would say. Too funny man.
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written by Joeprah, November 07, 2009
But, I can handle that. @ Bella Daddy - I wish I could get that signed before you get it, but you can buy it now, just go to the book's website: http://www.daddywheresyourvagina.com
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written by Anhtony C, November 07, 2009
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written by CharliePATpk, November 08, 2009
One of the things in life I learned when my first son was born: if you make a reasoned decision about your kid(s), don't sweat it if other's disagree. Even if they're family, they do not know what you know, what you've experienced, etc. From all the posts I've read of yours going back over time, I believe you've made a reasoned decision. If other's can't see the humor in what you wrote, just chalk that up to a few less-Christmas cards this year, and be done with them.
I look forward to a future B&N appearance!
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written by pjmullen, November 08, 2009
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written by Surfer Jay, November 09, 2009
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written by Joeprah, November 09, 2009
@ Charlie - If I do a B&N appearance in your neck of the woods would you say hello? I keep thinking you are in witness protection.
@ PJ - Yep, his man card is on no longer valid.
@ Jay - First, how've you been? As far as word count, I was over 60k for a while and brought it back to around 55k the last time I checked. I think I use the word awesome like 2k times.
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written by C.C. Chapman, November 09, 2009
I for one am looking forward to buying a copy and reading it. Sounds like a great read and something that Dads everywhere will enjoy.
Thanks for the heads up.
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written by Bolton, November 10, 2009
So why not?
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written by toorill, November 15, 2009
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written by GunnyMo, November 15, 2009
Personally, I find it appalling that people automatically look for controversy and moral offensiveness in something as harmless as a child's question.
I've been a SAHD and know how little credit we get in the parenting world. So good on you for the book and even better for the title!
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written by Joeprah, November 15, 2009
@ toorill - LOL! Of course we don't have vaginas, but that's the point. I guess the title can be interpreted many ways.
@ GunnyMo - Your comment really meant a lot. I went to a local (small time) bookstore and approached them about the book and they said that they wouldn't put the book in their store because of the title. I couldn't believe it when they said that, so reading your comment today really made a difference. Thanks!
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written by Daddy Files, November 15, 2009
It's ridiculous, but that's just how it is.
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written by GunnyMo, November 15, 2009
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written by CharliePATpk, November 15, 2009
It's like when most of the women I know tell me they hate the word "moist" when used in a sexual sense.
@DaddyFiles: which begs the question : exactly how many women with whom have you used the term moist in a sexual sense?
(spoken in jest, of course)
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written by Daddy Files, November 15, 2009
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written by CK Lunchbox, November 18, 2009
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As for the title, I think it's perfect. You're bound to offend someone, but fuck em if they can't take a joke. Seriously, that guy who e-mailed you needs untwist his man-panties and shut the hell up already.
Now onto the cover...well, it's um...awkward I guess is how I'd describe it. It helps that I already know what your book is about which helps it make sense, but it's still a little girl between a grown man's legs looking up. It wouldn't stop me from buying the book, but I would do a double take. But hell, maybe that's the point. I've never had a book cover so I'm not sure.
Either way, great stuff and I can't wait to read it.