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The advent of children in our lives as changed considerably our usual extracurricular activities, especially with said kids in tow. My wife had to resign from her cabinet post with the 'Children-Less Women's' group for apparently violating some obscure by-law, and I had to give up my Thai-style Death Cage matches because they deemed the Baby Bjorn an 'unfair advantage.' And movies at this point are pretty much out of the question considering my 1 year old daughter randomly shouts unintelligible noises which generally elicits 'the glare,' the occasional 'harrumph,' and the dreaded 'gummi bear pelting,' although we were able to take in a Chris Tucker marathon without incident. Odd.
Thankfully for us, the one consistent affair we've been able to maintain is our weekly 'dine out' at the fanciest Ruby Tuesday's we can find. Admittedly, the experience has changed a bit from our care-free newlywed days, with far less discussions of 16th century Polish literature and far more screaming, food flinging, and baby knife fights. Trying to placate a fussy infant intent on mayhem while simultaneously trying to enjoy your Moons over My Hammy can be difficult, but thanks to modern science, baby gear innovators, and the Department of Defense, the dining out experience is now a manageable, often pleasant affair, when armed with the right tools.
Getting your infant into the right seating situation can go along way towards successful restauranteering. In the newborn stage, this is generally not an issue, as your newly minted ball of flesh will spend most of it's time in a car seat, and will either be set in a provided sling or upside height chair, or unceremoniously shoved under the table amidst the forgotten fries and abandoned sugar packets of diners past. As children get older and find themselves freed of their car seat shackles, it becomes more difficult to get them into a comfortable position that might make it past the fried green beans and salad and into 'Baby Back Ribs' country.
Most places will offer you a height chair, and that is a perfectly sensible solution. But in our experience those high chairs can be hit or miss in terms of wobbledyness, cleanliness, and occasionally feature bungee cords rather than the standard snap safety belt. What we've ended up with instead is a travel seat, which is essentially a cloth chair that clamps onto the side of a table and provides a more comfortable seating environment for our daughter. It takes up less room than the high chair, is exactly the right height for the table, and provides a relatively decent "fallout" zone for the inevitable airborne food particles hurled about in fits of either rage or culinary delight. Plus it folds up for easy storage, and is machine washable. The only thing you need to watch out for is really light tables - sticking a twenty pound weight on one end of poorly balanced table will send your petite sirloin catapulting into the bar.
Once your infant is firmly ensconced in his/her throne, they'll most likely be ready to eat. Putting the standard placemat covered with local ads for reputable bailbondsman in front of them may sound like a good plan, but more often than not the mat ends up either in the floor or slowly being digested by your infant who has decided to eat it rather than her Cheerios. Instead, we use plastic table toppers that have sticky backs and cover the table in front of our daughter, allowing her to pick food off the table and eat it, and preventing (for the most part) easy removal and consumption of said mat. Plus it has Elmo on it, which is the universal infant sign for 'awesome.'
Our one year old daughter's has the aforementioned "skill" of creating a three foot radius of 'food fallout' as she mindlessly eats a third of what we give her and tosses the rest about as if she were welcoming astronauts home from the moon. While this is inevitable, we do attempt to stem the tide with snack catchers, which are basically sippy cups for food. She can chuck the snack cup into the table of elderly folks surreptitiously shoveling ketchup packets into their pockets as many times as she wants without covering said folks in Cheerios, puffs, or the Scooby snacks she's so fond of. She can always reach in and grab a few, but without the characteristic "dumping" she is so talented at doing with the regular snack vessels.
In our experience, our kid is through with eating far before we are, and we are forced to improvise in order to keep her occupied all the way through the Chocolate Volcano. Naturally the diaper bag is stocked with toys, but these are also potential projectiles, threatening the laps of coffee drinking diners everywhere. To combat this, we invested in a few cheap toy clips which are really just straps with loops on the end you can snap around little toys or small rodents and then let them dangle from the height chair. Your kid can pick the toys up, consume a bit of the lead paint, and then toss it, only to have it be jerked back and then dangling for later retrieval.
Hopefully, if everything goes right, you'll make it through dessert and coffee, maybe get up and read a few lines of your beatnik poetry, belt out Freebird at the karoake bar, and then climb out the bathroom window to skip out on the check all before your infant reaches the 'inconsolable zone.' While none of the tools mentioned above are absolutely necessary, they go a long way in making the restaurant experience with children easier to enjoy, as well as preventing your family portrait from ending up next to the cash register, a large 'Do Not Serve' stamped unceremoniously over your forehead.
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written by mwfrantz, June 16, 2009
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written by jonnytam13, June 16, 2009
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written by mwfrantz, June 16, 2009
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written by Markel, June 16, 2009
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Loved this post. Keep em coming.